Posts by inesanleu

inesanleu

Jan 6, 2018

Graduate / My never-ending search for learning. Scad Graduate Admission Statement of Purpose [3]

Hi Marcela!
I think you could merge a couple of sentences in your essay to make it flow a little better.

EXAMPLE: It was Christmas at my grandma's house, and the whole family was together. Around me, all the adults were talking, but I didn't have any particular desire to join the conversation. Instead, I turned to the TV, which was currently displaying a scene from Disney's Toy Story. The more I watched, the more I realized I was just like Andy: I loved playing pretend and creating new stories and worlds.

This is just an example! Maybe I'm being too descriptive, but my point is that your sentences could flow a little better.

Also, in "... University of Pernambuco, in 2014 ..." The comma in red is out of place there, and you could add a comma after 2014.

Two disciplines ... of how to visually communicate:Social Semiotics ...

Overall, I think you should grammar check. Merge sentences, check comma placements, delete unnecessary adjectives and adverbs.

Let me know if I can be of any more help! Good luck!

inesanleu

Jan 6, 2018

Undergraduate / Lafayette College Supplement: Why Lafayette? [4]

Hey everyone! I wrote this essay for the 'Why Lafayette?' prompt from Lafayette College, and I'd like some thoughts on it :) do you think it's specific enough? Any criticism is appreciated!! (it's still a little bit long, so please let me know if there's anything I can delete)

Why Lafayette?
(20-200 words)

In my native Guatemala, the notion I had about studying in the US was based on what I saw on popular media- big universities, with equally big names and reputations. I hadn't once heard the term liberal arts, until my sister applied to a small liberal arts institution in Swarthmore, PA. Following her steps, I decided to look for the same liberal arts experience in the colleges I was applying to. Lafayette wasn't the first liberal arts college I researched, but it was the school that most accurately represented the values of a liberal arts education.

I found that Lafayette would provide me with the perfect chance to explore my intense intellectual curiosity in various disciplines. For instance, I could take film courses such as Women Make Movies/Movies Make Women and linguistic classes like Elementary French while also being able to explore the Experimental Printmaking Institute in my free time. I would also relish the chance to have close relationships with members of the faculty, engaging in respectful debate about the subjects that most intrigue me, perhaps with Prof. Sikand or Prof. Groo.

I wanted to attend a place where personal development is as important as intellectual growth, and Lafayette's commitment to an integral education convinced me it was the best college for me. I'd be excited to be part of a community that encourages active discussion and free exchange of ideas, because I believe this will help me grow as a critical and free-thinking individual. I see Lafayette as a place where I can thrive-as a woman of color, an artist, and as a budding filmmaker. I hope I can experience Lafayette as a student of the Class of 2022.