anajjar
Apr 2, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS ONE - The percentage of Australian's citizen did some activities [4]
Below are some suggestions:
between 15 to 24, the men was started with 52,8% ... (( the *age group* between 15 to 24, the percentage of men who did regular physical activity was 52.8% while women's percentage was only 47.7%. On the other hand, surprisingly the other age group has much different ratios, with women percentage exceeding men's .... )
I think you should elaborate your thoughts using more words, instead of shortening and summarizing the essay in an incomprehensible way.
Below are some suggestions:
between 15 to 24, the men was started with 52,8% ... (( the *age group* between 15 to 24, the percentage of men who did regular physical activity was 52.8% while women's percentage was only 47.7%. On the other hand, surprisingly the other age group has much different ratios, with women percentage exceeding men's .... )
I think you should elaborate your thoughts using more words, instead of shortening and summarizing the essay in an incomprehensible way.