Writing Feedback / Is it possible to become a truly successful person without a natural strong talent? [3]

Firstly, the topic like "Some people believe....on the punishment" seems irrelevant to your answer. Are you writing about "agree or disagree essay" or "discuss both views and give your own opinion essay" with the topic as "a truly successful person without a natural strong talent".

Secondly, for your introduction, I think you should paraphrase the topic rather than write it again. And it will be the good introduction if the kind of the essay is discussing both views and give your own opinion. But in this case, I don't know that.

Thirdly, you should summarize your ideas that you presented on the body instead of writing something new like "effort is the big ocean, and talent is just a water drop of it. If you change yourself, if you always try your best, you can be successful at everything"

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There are my feedbacks about your essay. It's just my own opinion. It might be right or wrong because I'm still learning IELTS. But I hope it can help you. Anyway, I think you can get nearly 6.5

Essays / Education of students in Viet Nam - how to write this essay? [2]

First of all, I would say this is the problems and solutions essay. Although the thread doesn't require you to write about causes and effects of Vietnamese curriculum, I think they should be written in the first body paragraph. Solutions should be written in the second body paragraph.

Here are my ideas:

Introduction:
Paraphrase the threads and show what you're going to write on the body paragraph. (3 sentences)

Body:

Paragraph 1:
- Students could feel streetful because they can not stand so many pressures from many sides such as family, school. For example, the suicide at Nguyen Khuyen high school. (2 sentences).

- Although students must study too much, in fact, the unemployment rate is increasing. Give the examples (2 sentences).

Paragraph 2:
- Reduce some subjects which are useless with the future jobs of the students. Give some useless subjects, I'm sure you know what they are. (2 sentences)

- Instead of spending too much time for teaching theory, schools should make chances for students to practice. (1 sentence)
- Students should learn subjects they like rather than learn all. (1 sentence)

Conclusion:
Summarize the ideas above. (2 sentences)

My English is limited but I hope that can help you.