Undergraduate / "What do you do for the pleasure of it?" MIT Short Answer [6]

Working Out - MIT Short Answer "What do you do for fun"

Working out allows me to exert effort without complications. Life is stressful at times, and dealing with a purely physical activity for an hour provides a nice balance. Working out takes effort, but it is a different kind of effort than the kind that the complications of life require. There is no pressure, no complex ideas, no broad concepts. Those things are important, but I need a break, a time for simpler tasks. I immerse myself in the intensity of the workout and let my stress manifest as physical exertion. The tension in my mind becomes tension in my muscles.

Which one is better? Or are neither of them good?

Undergraduate / Bambi and George Bush (Common App admissions essay) [6]

Child is a singular noun.

A child does not notice themselfhimself gradually mature, but rather areis one day hit by the realization that they arehe is no longer a child.

I agree that you are treading on dangerous ground, even though it is likely that the university you are applying to is left-leaning. A general rule is to never talk about politics in a college essay. On the other hand, this is a creative spin on the topic, since probably 95% of responses to this topic will be about someone who is a role model for the writer. Just know you are taking a risk.

Undergraduate / UT admissions personal essay "alcoholism" [4]

Statistics have shown that over eighteen million Americans are addicted to some fromform of alcohol. In today's society alcohol is strategically advertised towards younger crowds by showing that it is socially acceptable. I know first hand that drinking is not glamorous when it leads to addiction or harms others.

For years both of my parents have struggled with alcohol addiction. The promise of love and guidance never seemed to pertain to my parents and Ime . With the affectseffects of alcohol subduing my parents' brains, a lot of life decisions were left in my hands. Knowing that life is full of opportunity, I surrounded myself with loving friends as well as their families to assist in the pursuancepursuit of my life goals. Though countless occasions of violence and mismanaged decisions from my parents seemed to extinguish parts of my life, a part of me will always be there to lend a helping hand and show nothing but unconditional love for the both of them. "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you". (Colossians 3:13)

In most circumstances the youth of my generation doesdo not have to endure the plague of alcoholism, yet alcohol seems to play a major part in our lives. Throughout my six years inof high school and college I experienced many of my peers tryingattempts to be socially accepted by drinking, myself included. Every day on average 11,318 American youth, ages twelve to twenty, try alcohol for the first time. In allFor some reason we consider the abuse of alcohol to be fun. Yet if we do not realize the bigger picture of life we can exceed no further. The decisions we make now can alter our future forever. If my generation finds some form of comfort in alcohol then we will be no better than my parents are today.

In all Alcohol denies the world of opportunities to fulfill life to its abounding potential. The tribulations I have had to endure through my life hashave given me knowledge to better myself as a person. If my generation intends to improve the world then we must not let consequential decisions such as alcohol allude(not what this word means) us from our goals. Together we CAN make a difference and inspire the world to be better for years to come.

I'm not sure about this essay. It sounds overly goody-goody and rings with phoniness. Mentioning the first time you tried getting drunk is probably not a good idea. Also, unless this is a religously affliated school, you probably shouldn't quote a bible verse. Statistics like this:

"Every day on average 11,318 American youth, ages twelve to twenty, try alcohol for the first time."
add nothing to the essay and are just filler material. You used some words incorrectly or used the wrong homophone of a word. Basic spelling and grammar mistakes will look really bad.

Undergraduate / "the hospital room" - Common app short answer critique? [5]

As I enter into the hospital room, slowly rolling a wheelchair, I'mam the first person to see the patient's smile when he realizes that he'sis heading home. At Jupiter Medical Center I'mwork as an escort volunteer, meaning thatwhich involves discharging patients and transporting blood samples are typical tasks that I perform . And whileAlthough these services can beare viewed as busy work by some , I view them as extremely insightful.as I am able to take some time to learn a patient's story or strike up a conversion with doctors from many fields. Ultimately, this simple volunteer service has allowedgiven me to acquire medical knowableknowledgeas well asand developed my bedside manner.

With these revisions you are at 100 words, so you will be able to add some more details about how the experience has been insightful for you.

Undergraduate / "What do you do for the pleasure of it?" MIT Short Answer [6]

Alright, I changed it to be more of an overview of why I like working out:

Working out allows me to exert effort without complications. Life is stressful at times, and dealing with a purely physical activity for an hour provides a nice balance. Working out takes effort, but it is a different kind of effort than the kind that the complications of life require. There is no pressure, no complex ideas, no broad concepts. Those things are important, but I need a break, a time for simpler tasks. I immerse myself in the intensity of the workout and let my stress manifest as physical exertion. The tension in my mind becomes tension in my muscles.

How is this?

Undergraduate / MIT Essay - Fun Activity [11]

I started figure skating when I was five years old. Ever since the first time I first laced-up my skates at age five, clung to the wall of the rink, and stumbled along the perimeter, I have been thrilled with the experience of figure skating. Over the years, the list of my abilities/skills has expanded to include duck shoots, sit spins, camel spins, and double jumps , but I still get the same feeling of excitement as I did the first time on ice. In the seconds when I spin on the ice, or jump into the air, the feeling of suspension between time and space fills in me. Figure skating is an exhilarating sport, from which I have learned howhas taught me to balance myself not only on the ice between speed and elegance, but also in my life between tension and relaxation.

Undergraduate / Why Duke? (landscape, architecture, sports programs, and excellent academics) [3]

Try to organize it a little better, divide it up into a couple of paragraphs at least. The ending is a little confusing, I had to read it twice to realize you were relating it to your actual experience of buying a car. Also, you talk of how Duke has strong traditions and desire for change, but you don't say why those things appeal to you or how those make Duke the college for you. Pretty good overall though.

Oh also:
"Duke doesn't want to be the "Harvard of the South"; Duke wants Harvard to be "The Duke of the North"."

I don't know if you made this up or if your tour guide did or whatever, but if its a common saying you probably shouldn't put it in.