minhthu
Jul 22, 2018
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, there are some countries where the number of young adults is larger than elderly people [3]
First of all, this essay seems to be too long. If it is the IELTS writing task 2, you must ensure that you write it in 40 minutes with the appropriate number of words.
Secondly, there has been some errors of your writing such as:
1. ... is larger thanthat of older people.
2.And about these countries...
3. others who believe that they will ... (it repeats words of a previous sentence) -> others who have the contrast opinion.
4. ... the physical respect that they can contribute ... laborwhich while older people ...
In addition, you can use synonyms of "advantage" and "disadvantage". Avoiding using these words a lot of times in the essay.
First of all, this essay seems to be too long. If it is the IELTS writing task 2, you must ensure that you write it in 40 minutes with the appropriate number of words.
Secondly, there has been some errors of your writing such as:
1. ... is larger than
2.
3. others who believe that they will ... (it repeats words of a previous sentence) -> others who have the contrast opinion.
4. ... the physical respect that they can contribute ... labor
In addition, you can use synonyms of "advantage" and "disadvantage". Avoiding using these words a lot of times in the essay.