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Posts by thanhdvn
Name: Thanh Bui
Joined: Aug 9, 2018
Last Post: Jun 23, 2020
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

From: Viet Nam
School: College of Sciences, Hue University

Displayed posts: 3
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thanhdvn   
Jun 23, 2020
Writing Feedback / Protecting all or some wild animals. Essay writing task 2 Academic IELTS [4]

@Fuddin Jamil

Hi. Honestly, your essay is quite difficult for me, personally, to understand. So my comment is that maybe you should simplify your sentence structures in order to make your writing clear first. Then, you can build compound/complex sentences based on your simplified ones. That was a good approach in my case. So hope that it works for you, too. Best. :)
thanhdvn   
Jun 19, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Travelling to abroad, reasons and consequences [4]

Question:

Many people are travelling to other countries.


Why? Is it a positive or a negative development?


Answer:
Over the recent decades, offshore travelling has become a prevalent practice due to a variety of benefits in modern society. These are first examined in this essay before potential impacts of this trend are discussed.

Young people on their international trips frequently can either acquire practical experiences or further fulfil their job requirements. In fact, post-secondary students often defer their tertiary study for a gap year travelling to other countries. The pursuit is believed to help them cultivate a more well-rounded mind by both meeting different types of people and encountering various practical situations, thus gaining better human-resource management skills. These are demonstrated imperative in dealing with social loafing at workspace. Besides, by getting accustomed to cultural diversity at early age, they seem to excel in corporative tasks in their career prospects as global cooperation is more prevailing. This is especially significant as global teamwork requires not only personal competence but also the eagerness of youth.

However, there are certain risks if foreigners visit an overseas destination without appropriate knowledge on its norms. First, violating belief systems of a religion possibly leads to social ostracism or even physical conflicts. These are predictable since most easterners believe in a higher consciousness while many visitors from western cultures are atheists. Therefore, they should be sufficiently prepared with necessary information before approved with a visiting visa. Also, one might argue that travelling in formative age could results in hard-wired stereotypes if youngsters suffer from fraudulent activities during their journeys, such as robberies, batteries, or just tourism scams. Many research reports imply that the misunderstanding is likely inducing racism and discrimination which have aleady been rampant in the western world.

In conclusion, although international travel comes at a cost, the returns are still highly justifiable. It could be more plausible if travellers are provided reasonable precautions on cultural differences.

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Please evaluate my essay and feel free to provide any further comments. Thank you so much!

* Some of the exemplifications in the essay do not belong to any real evidence.

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