Writing Feedback / Immigrants deal with a number of undesirable issues when trying to adapt with the new society [2]

I wrote an essay and I hope that you would help me to correct and assess my essay. Many thanks !

Here is the question :

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems ,as well as practical problems . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

My Essay :

Ielts writing task 2 : Language barrier

These days , going abroad is increasingly commonplace and many people move to a community in which they have to communicate via languages that are not their mother languages . While it is argued by some that these immigrants would have to deal with a number of undesirable issues when trying to adapt with the society , I still believe that this would bring these people certain benefits in some cases.

There are various undeniable problems that immigrants may face with . Firstly , these people may be totally isolated from the society that they are trying to adapt .A host of settlers will find it reproachful to communicate with others in such a society as they concern that they can be teased at when they can not naturally speak the society's main language . They , consequently , will not practice speaking this language in such ideal environments and will find it hard to make relationships with the native .Secondly , this may have a detrimental impact on immigrants' communicating ability as they may bashfully talk to others speaking the same language when they come back to their home countries . As reported by the University of Vietnam , thousands of Vietnamese students learning abroad can not speak fluently Vietnamese with their family and their friends when they come back to the country . Such unexpected effect happened because these people barely have a discussion with other individuals in the society where they are residing due to the language barrier.

Despite the aforementioned arguments , speaking a foreign language when dwelling in a country still offers some certain values . The first benefit stems from the environment . To people who are proactive and studious , such environments are a superbly ideal for them to practice and learn speaking new languages .Furthermore , this would be valuable for international businesses . If a chief executive officer ,for example , is able to communicate with his partner from a foreign corporation by the partner's mother language , the contract that they are yearning would be easily done because they find a mutual sympathy through the same language .

In conclusion , although speaking a foreign language when going abroad may yield a plethora of problems , this still offers several desirable benefits in some certain respects .

Hoping for your feedback .