2010szhou
Oct 6, 2009
2010szhou
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT Essay - Use of Creativity (Fashion) [3]
Thanks for your help!
Another concern of mine is: am I telling too much, instead of showing?
Thanks for your help!
Another concern of mine is: am I telling too much, instead of showing?
2010szhou
Sep 20, 2009
2010szhou
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT Essay - Use of Creativity (Fashion) [3]
Hi everyone :) Thanks in advance for your constructive feedback!
Below is my response to the prompt: Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (200-250 word limit)
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Fashion for A Cause was a new club when I joined. It's purpose is to raise community awareness for fashion and the arts as well as to support a nonprofit cause by hosting a fashion show. I worked with the founders and had initiatives, such as streamlining the organization of outfits and suggesting that we contact the corporate offices of department stores to obtain donations. I became Business Director/President and immediately started planning the annual charity fashion show. I involved other officers by conducting brainstorm sessions and setting up a work plan. The whole club voted on a theme and set for the show, as well as the charity for which we would raise money. I came up with the 2009 show's theme (international) and worked with others to coordinate colors and a set design that would illuminate the models best, but also not blind showgoers. I helped put together outfits and create a show line-up. I also compiled songs for and helped edit the DVD of the show. A major part of the time leading up to the show was devoted to fund-raising and establishing partnerships with local and national businesses, for donations. I ran the logistics of business trips and phone-banking sessions, and guided members in face-to-face and phone communications. I periodically conducted in-school fund-raising events as means of fund accumulation and as reminders of the worthy cause. My fundraising activity ideas included hand-made jewelry sale and face painting, in addition to bake sales and fruit juice mixes. (Word Count: 250)
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A particular concern of mine is whether the purpose of the club is clear to those who aren't familiar with it.
Hi everyone :) Thanks in advance for your constructive feedback!
Below is my response to the prompt: Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (200-250 word limit)
___________________________________________________________
Fashion for A Cause was a new club when I joined. It's purpose is to raise community awareness for fashion and the arts as well as to support a nonprofit cause by hosting a fashion show. I worked with the founders and had initiatives, such as streamlining the organization of outfits and suggesting that we contact the corporate offices of department stores to obtain donations. I became Business Director/President and immediately started planning the annual charity fashion show. I involved other officers by conducting brainstorm sessions and setting up a work plan. The whole club voted on a theme and set for the show, as well as the charity for which we would raise money. I came up with the 2009 show's theme (international) and worked with others to coordinate colors and a set design that would illuminate the models best, but also not blind showgoers. I helped put together outfits and create a show line-up. I also compiled songs for and helped edit the DVD of the show. A major part of the time leading up to the show was devoted to fund-raising and establishing partnerships with local and national businesses, for donations. I ran the logistics of business trips and phone-banking sessions, and guided members in face-to-face and phone communications. I periodically conducted in-school fund-raising events as means of fund accumulation and as reminders of the worthy cause. My fundraising activity ideas included hand-made jewelry sale and face painting, in addition to bake sales and fruit juice mixes. (Word Count: 250)
___________________________________________________________
A particular concern of mine is whether the purpose of the club is clear to those who aren't familiar with it.
2010szhou
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT Essay - Fun Activity [11]
I think I might get an error message if I try to do that, so that's why I'm looking for some feedback to cut it down a bit.
I think I might get an error message if I try to do that, so that's why I'm looking for some feedback to cut it down a bit.
2010szhou
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Common app essay about AMERICAN CREAM PUFFS! [14]
You have a strong and engaging conclusion.
I'm a bit confused about the "I removed Betty from her shrine and put her to good use" part because it seems more like you shoved her in a dusty closet and forgot about her for a couple of years. It might just be me...
Overall, a very interesting and well-written essay.
You have a strong and engaging conclusion.
I'm a bit confused about the "I removed Betty from her shrine and put her to good use" part because it seems more like you shoved her in a dusty closet and forgot about her for a couple of years. It might just be me...
Overall, a very interesting and well-written essay.
2010szhou
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT Essay - Fun Activity [11]
This is the first essay that I have posted on this site, so I'm looking forward to all your comments and suggestions. Thanks in advance!
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The prompt:
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do simply for the pleasure of it. (100 word limit)
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I started figure skating when I was five years old. Ever since the first time I laced-up my skates, clung to the wall of the rink, and stumbled along the perimeter, I have been thrilled with the experience. Over the years, the list of my abilities/skills has expanded to include duck shoots, sit spins, camel spins, and double jumps, but I still get the same feeling of excitement as I did the first time on ice. In the seconds when I spin on the ice, or jump into the air, the feeling of suspension between time and space fills in me. Figure skating is an exhilarating sport, from which I have learned how to balance myself not only on the ice between speed and elegance, but also in my life between tension and relaxation. (134 words)
This is the first essay that I have posted on this site, so I'm looking forward to all your comments and suggestions. Thanks in advance!
____________________________________________________________
The prompt:
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do simply for the pleasure of it. (100 word limit)
____________________________________________________________ _
I started figure skating when I was five years old. Ever since the first time I laced-up my skates, clung to the wall of the rink, and stumbled along the perimeter, I have been thrilled with the experience. Over the years, the list of my abilities/skills has expanded to include duck shoots, sit spins, camel spins, and double jumps, but I still get the same feeling of excitement as I did the first time on ice. In the seconds when I spin on the ice, or jump into the air, the feeling of suspension between time and space fills in me. Figure skating is an exhilarating sport, from which I have learned how to balance myself not only on the ice between speed and elegance, but also in my life between tension and relaxation. (134 words)
