Undergraduate / UW Eau Claire essay for why I'm interested [4]

Your general idea is good as you mentioned how the physical appearance and setting of the college and some of the college's programs and organizations appeal to you. However, this essay doesn't dive too deeply into the specifics of what you're referring to. What other aspects of the Actuarial science and the university honors programs do you like? How can you apply what you will potentially learn so that you can succeed in the future? If you perhaps look into what specific things these programs offer academically (research opportunities, independent study, hands-on learning, etc) you can demonstrate a greater knowledge of the school, which is what admissions officers look for in students.

When you talk about the organizations, name a few that you feel would suit your interests best and talk about them. Several schools have hundreds of organizations, but which ones at UW would you be able to fit into the best?

You're on the right track, just be more specific and elaborate on how the school's programs relate to your interests more. Good luck

Writing Feedback / Young people admire sports stars though they do not set a good example. This is negative or positive [5]

I believe you are correct in that certain sports stars are not good role models - they obviously committed certain actions that go against good human character traits or perhaps made major mistakes that ruined their careers and reputation. You are also correct in that other sports stars are good role models; soccer players are excellent archetypes of the results of hard work and living by good life lessons.

In my opinion, however, looking at the big picture, athletes are excellent role models for young children everywhere whether they play sports or not. Although certain athletes are arguably better off forgotten - those who committed crimes, were caught cheating or doping, etc. - they can actually be used to teach young children what NOT to do. People learn from other people's mistakes - that's one reason why we study history. On the other hand, the other good athletes can serve as sources of inspiration for young children. Even if these athletes make mistakes that might cost them a win or get them in minor trouble, they are only humans and they will inevitably make mistakes. Kids can still learn from these mistakes. Overall, though, the fact that the vast majority of these athletes have reached the pro level through their work can still positively influence children