Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - 'The Internet' and smartphones essay [4]

This is an essay for IELTS exam writing task 2. I hope someone could give me some advice on my work. Your help is greatly appreciated!!!!!

Life would be difficult without the new technology

SUBJECT: The Internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades. Although some of these changes have been negative, the overall effect of this technology has been positive. What are your opinions on this?

ESSAY:
In nowadays the Internet has played an essential role in our lives. Almost everyone, no matter in what age, owns a smartphone while computers tend to be more accessible. I believe that smartphone makes lives convenient. However, there are pros and cons to us in this situation.

To begin with, one of the largest disadvantages is the smartphone addictions. More and more experts and educators claimed that parents should prevent the smartphone from their children. In order to avoid nearsightedness and obesity, children have to control themselves not to surf on the Internet over two hours a day. Besides, the Internet might provide inappropriate information to children. As for the adults, their privacy may be damaged because of the hackers.

Despite those disadvantages, the Internet is still a helpful technology for our society. First of all, it makes it possible to communicate with others, and do not be disturbed by the distance. Secondly, for those who love shopping, they are able to buy clothes at home. E-commerce grows rapidly and fits the needs due to the Internet. Last but not the least, as the development of the Artificial Intelligence, computers can handle more and more tasks which used to be dealt with human-beings. Thus people can spend more time to stay with their beloved and friends, enjoying lives.

To sum up, it seems to me that the Internet is vital. Although there might be some risks to have this technology in our lives, lives would be more difficult if we do not have it. Undoubtedly the Internet has enlightened our society.

(261 words)