Writing Feedback / The extinction of animal species. What causes this? How to protect our fauna? [2]

I need your hand to review my writing. Obviously, this is IELTS writing task 2

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land in sea.
What are the reason and solutions?

animal habitats are destroyed

The number of extinct animal species increases over and over again because of human activities on earth. Habitat loss and industrial waste beget this issue, while building imitated niche and obtaining penalty to culprit should be accomplish by local government.

Losing habitat prompts the extinction of animal species day-by-day. Nowadays, people have a tendency to be competitive in industrial purpose, and this results in the construction in wild forest such as cutting down trees in order to broad. In another word, they have been destroying animal habitat inadvertently. Admittedly, industrial waste also causes such trend. Due to the demand of human needs such as food, animal species may no longer exist if the irresponsible culprits expend the unnecessary tools into the ocean. A 2015 survey of Ministry of Maritime in India stated that four out of ten species lose its habitat and it gradually increase around seven times in 2014 compared to a decade ago, approximately 23%, and this results in the proportion of animal extinction rises. Also, 24% of industrial waste have been caused such issue since 1999. So, how to tackle this trend?

To eradicate, building the imitated animal homes by the authority is the effective solution. In order to preserve animal species extinction, providing artificial habitat in some countries should be implemented, while the government should take an action immediately to bestow punishment for those who do not responsible in industrial waste. This approach can produce the deterrent effect to felon. Since 2010, the head of New Zealand has been utilizing waste technology for declining garbage into fertilizer, and this reduces the waste spending, so only roughly 3% of trash spread all around this nation. Therefore, New Zealand have been considered as the cleanest rural area worldwide.

It is sensible to conclude that while losing habitat and throwing up industrial waste are begat this problem, the head of country should contribute to construct artificial cage for animal and punish the culprit are the viable the solutions.

Writing Feedback / Sports professionals can earn high income more that others professions? [3]

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than other people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others thin it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

is big financial profit for athletes justifiable?

Some people argue that earning high amount of money for athletes is more appropriate than other crucial occupations, so it is acceptable for most of citizen while others think otherwise. This essay will argue with the notion above that although earning a lot of money happen to athletes because of becoming models of advertisement, but achievement is one of the important things that should be considered as it determines the greatest wages for all category of professions.

One the one hand, becoming a model of advertising products is another occasion for athletes gaining the greatest income. Due to the popularity of athletes, some companies utilize them in order to advertise their products, so the society can be encouraged for using their brand. Even though the sport professionals achieve high salary by winning the competition, but another way to gain more is from sponsorship. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo, a well-known football player advertising product of shampoo called Clear, so he also can produce a lot of money from it. Despite the athletes are paid great by advertising, but it does not mean that other professions might not earn high income, all of professions have equal opportunity to get raised salary as well.

On the other hand, one particular thing to produce the high salary in working is achievement. Considering a good salary based on the worker's performance is determined by company, so the employee can reach high wage as well if compared to athletes. For instance, Toyota Motor Corporation arranges job analysis in order to observe employee's progress of working using it to decide amount of money gained by the worker. Hence, not only sport professionals can earn high income, but also other type of professions can reach it.

To conclude, because of popularity, athletes earn high amount of salary by advertising some products. However, other professions also can get it if they have plenty of achievements.

Writing Feedback / The data concerning on the numbers of males and females who graduated in university in Canada [2]

University Graduates, Canada

The illustrated line graph provides the data concerning on the numbers of males and females who graduated in university in Canada in the beginning of 1992 to 2006. At the first glance, it can be seen that females had the huge numbers of graduates rather than males, whereas both increased moderately among 15 years period between the year of 1992 and 2007.

In 1992, the proportion of female graduates were likely to be higher roughly 97,000 than males which were around 5 times larger. Even though it climbed markedly in three years later, it was a noticeably decline over the next 3 years between 1995 and 1998. Yet it went up substantially again until 2007, and it reached at the highest quantity for the remainder of the period.

Apart from this change, the number of male graduates had a steady rise approximately 75.000 over 1995, yet it dropped moderately over three years, and it fluctuated until 2001. Surprisingly, it had an upward trend which reached at 95.000 indicate as the highest level of male graduates in the end of the period.

By. Nella Tewu

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