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Sports professionals can earn high income more that others professions?


nellawatyahmad26 3 / 3 1  
Nov 4, 2018   #1
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than other people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others thin it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.


is big financial profit for athletes justifiable?



Some people argue that earning high amount of money for athletes is more appropriate than other crucial occupations, so it is acceptable for most of citizen while others think otherwise. This essay will argue with the notion above that although earning a lot of money happen to athletes because of becoming models of advertisement, but achievement is one of the important things that should be considered as it determines the greatest wages for all category of professions.

One the one hand, becoming a model of advertising products is another occasion for athletes gaining the greatest income. Due to the popularity of athletes, some companies utilize them in order to advertise their products, so the society can be encouraged for using their brand. Even though the sport professionals achieve high salary by winning the competition, but another way to gain more is from sponsorship. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo, a well-known football player advertising product of shampoo called Clear, so he also can produce a lot of money from it. Despite the athletes are paid great by advertising, but it does not mean that other professions might not earn high income, all of professions have equal opportunity to get raised salary as well.

On the other hand, one particular thing to produce the high salary in working is achievement. Considering a good salary based on the worker's performance is determined by company, so the employee can reach high wage as well if compared to athletes. For instance, Toyota Motor Corporation arranges job analysis in order to observe employee's progress of working using it to decide amount of money gained by the worker. Hence, not only sport professionals can earn high income, but also other type of professions can reach it.

To conclude, because of popularity, athletes earn high amount of salary by advertising some products. However, other professions also can get it if they have plenty of achievements.

brayan1996 17 / 35 5  
Nov 4, 2018   #2
Hi @nellawatyahmad26, I am not too convinved by the viewpoint that you take in this essay. The essay does not seem to probe at the depth of analysis and reasoning that the directions seem to be demanding. You should try to carryout some more research to better present examples that are in support of your argument but that may also refute it. For the examples that seemt to refute your. claim, show how is it that those examples are erroneous or fail to capture a particular aspect of the overall argument, (basically your rebuttal/ counter claim).
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Nov 5, 2018   #3
Nella, you failed to properly address the task requirements in the opening paraphrase. This is a 3 reasoning paragraph essay, not an argument essay. That is one of the biggest mistakes in your discussion. You changed the prompt requirement from:

Original instruction: Discuss both views and give your opinion.

to

Your Response: This essay will argue with the notion above

Correct Presentation: I will consider these two public points of view in the following discussion so that I can offer my personal insight on the matter later on.

That mistake will immediately get you a lower than passing TA score. You showed that you misunderstood the prompt requirements, which led to the change in the discussion instruction. Your main presentation does not cover the public discussion of the 2 points of view presented in the essay, nor does it represent your personal opinion, which is also a requirement. There needs to be an acknowledgement of public opinion in your first 2 reasoning presentations and then a personal opinion ownership presentation before the conclusion, creating a 5 paragraph essay. Without the ownership references, the whole essay comes across as a personal opinion because you did not clearly explain the discussion method in your opening paraphrase. These errors plus others in relation to the scoring criteria will combine to give you a very low score for this essay. This essay is not going to get a passing score in an actual test setting.


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