Undergraduate / Common App Essay - Topic of Choice - "Gateway to knowledge, highway to hell" [5]

I did a topic of my choice, something that was really hard for me, but I couldn't figure out how to meet anything else. Please critique/edit as necessary. Also, is it too long, at 774 words? If so, what should I cut? I'm also unsure if this tone of essay could merit contractions. Thanks.

Where would this world be today without the gift of technology? Supercomputers and chrome-plated robots seem high tech to modern citizens like ourselves, but what was a spear made of flint rock to a caveman? A sift to the gold rushers of 1849? These innovations weren't called "technology" then, instead, an invention created to better the way of life. The Internet can be seen as a gateway to knowledge or a highway to hell, whichever path one types into their address bar. Luckily for me, the case has always been the former.

I was introduced to the wonders of computers at a very young age. My mother was a single parent going to nursing school with a school-age child anxious to learn more outside of a preschool classroom. The solution came in the form of an off-white CRT monitor pre-packaged with a wide keyboard. It ran Windows 95, connected to the World Wide Web and best of all, operated my favorite computer game, WordsAlive. We became acquainted very quickly once my mother decided it was the easiest way to keep me entertained and her less distracted from her studying. I learned to read around the age of three with WordsAlive, but as everything does, it became old and so did I. CD-ROMs became the new floppy disk, and just like that, our computer was obsolete.

AOL came into my life early, just when I was entering first grade. I still have yet to decide whether it was a gift or a curse. The main reason why I begged my mother to install it on our new Windows 98 ready PC was because of the cheetah print design that had been imprinted on the disc's exterior. Plus, they offered 1000 free hours! That was a lot of zeroes to an eight year old. Not to mention hogging up our phone line had taken over my life, complete with fits of panic whenever my mother would pick up the phone during the connective screeching sound of dial-up. I'd spend my entire day on Kids AOL, doing everything from chatting with celebrities of my time in the strictly moderated chat rooms, to creating pointless fan clubs on the message boards. I was firmly engaged in the world AOL had set up for me. My only nemesis? Parental controls. Later on, my main wish for my 12th birthday had been to make the progression from the Kids AOL setting to the Young Teen AOL setting. It took a lot of begging and convincing of my maturity for my mother to agree to make the change. Once she obliged, I finally felt like a young woman.

Before I had even become a pre-teen, people had begun calling me a computer genius. Or rather, my mother bragged about her computer genius daughter to anyone who dared to listen. I was the one they turned to if their PC had spontaneously become overrun with pop-ups, or a saved file had gone rogue and disappeared. My mother forgave my addiction to the computer just because I was the one who she often called to fix it. I had easily learned the secrets of our then operating system Windows Me and was eagerly waiting to get my hands on Windows XP due to its annoying instability. I was only nine years old and I already wanted to tutor Bill Gates.

At twelve, I had mastered Paint Shop Pro and Adobe Photoshop. However, I wasn't making 3D models of outer space or blueprints of prospective buildings, instead I was using the programs to edit various pictures of celebrities and put them on the foreground of a self-made splattered design. I acquired these skills from playing on a site called Neopets, where users could create their own makeshift clubs called "guilds" which focused on nothing but gaining the highest number of members and having the best looking designs called "layouts" on the guild's façade. I quit before I turned 16, but I took everything I learned with me.

Today, I can freely admit that I am in love with my computer. There's just something about having a portal to the entire world at my fingertips that keeps me from letting go. I realized that as I grew, so did technology, and that is the miracle of it. Technology is a never-ending process, active proof that society can only improve over an era. Maybe one day the world will be controlled by supercomputers and chrome-plated robots, but only time will tell. Until that comes around, I'll have to be content with my outdated Windows XP and a laptop that likes to crash every now and then. (I can't figure out how to end this essay/paragraph/sentence nicely. Help?)

Undergraduate / UPenn Essay Prompt - Common App - "Writing has always been a therapy" [4]

Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, The Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia.

Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

(do not exceed one page.)

"Extra, extra, read all about it!" seemed to be the key phrase to attain a large, information-hungry crowd back in the 18th century. Newspapers had sprouted all along the Eastern seaboard but with the American Weekly Mercury, and Benjamin Franklin's The Pennsylvania Gazette, Philadelphia soon proved to be the true capital of the paper industry. Today, The Daily Pennsylvanian and its successors at Penn are prime examples of what I want to be a part of. Everything from the technological approach of thedp.com to the honest and relatable tone of 34th Street Magazine entices me to become one of the many Penn voices that inform the masses.

Writing, for me, has always been somewhat of a therapy. When I was younger, it felt better to write down the words I wouldn't have the nerve to say. If I misbehaved, a handwritten letter of apology would be slipped under my mother's door instead of a vocal plea for forgiveness. Although this tactic didn't last me into my teenage years, I soon realized that my letters weren't the only thing I enjoyed writing. The short stories I scribbled in my diary or the articles I would write about the top ten music videos on MTV that weekend were more than just time-filler activities I would show to my teaches when I got to school. I genuinely loved being a writer. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I would sign "by Abby Adesanya" at the end of every one of my works. I was young, but old enough to know where my strengths could take me.

When it comes to Penn and I, The Daily Pennsylvanian, I feel, is what truly brings us together. For a periodical in an industry that has been declared by everyone to be on the decline, the newspaper has continually countered that theory. The staff that makes up the paper are some of the most talented scholars at Penn, a critically acclaimed community of students. (I feel like this sentence is weird, mostly because of the "staff" and "are". Is it "is" or what?) The chance to be part of a society that can tell a story or write a vivid account reminds me of my childhood; writing not just for the people, but for the person. However, there is much more to write about in this day and age than the battle of the music charts between Britney and Christina. Luckily, I can adapt.

"by Abby Adesanya"

Undergraduate / "pushing my legs to run" - Common App - Short Answer [6]

I did Spring Track for a while but I lost a means of getting home afterward, so I had to stop, but I always enjoyed doing it. I hope it's fine for me to write about it. :] I tend to write essays and they end up sounding like a story unless it's about a specific topic or history or anything like that, so please critique it and also tell me whether that's a habit I need to break or not. :/ Thank you!

It was extremely hot and my heart was racing, but I couldn't stop then. The bend was coming and I could see a girl beginning to push ahead of me through my peripheral view. It was my Junior year and Spring Track had just begun, this practice being my first time ever pushing my legs to run for so long. The marker was up ahead and the girl's feet were suddenly in step with mine. This cannot happen, I thought to myself. Newly inspired, I inhaled deeply and ignored the pain in the arches of my feet. I widened my stride for mere seconds until my foot made contact with the spray-painted line signaling 200 meters. I staggered to a stop and tried to circulate as much air as possible into my lungs. I loved the feeling of accomplishment, but next time, I'd stick to the 100 meter sprint.

Undergraduate / UPenn Pg. 217 Autobiography Essay; writer for a magazine living in a city [7]

I'm trying to emphasize that:

- I want to be a writer for a magazine.
- I want to live in the city.

Please critique with honesty! Thank you. :]

I had been staring out of the Seat D4 window for approximately three hours. It seemed like just minutes earlier the sign overhead had lit the etching of an unbuckled seatbelt, the universal symbol for "Relax". The Delta flight from Los Angeles was a long one, having just departed from the Minneapolis stop. My eyes were burning, aching, to rest but all I wanted to see out of that window was the metropolitan skyline of Manhattan. Of course, I knew the clouds that enveloped the plane would make that view nearly impossible, but I didn't want to stop looking, for fear I would miss just a glimpse of it.

The city had become a part of me so quickly over the years and by then I felt like I couldn't do without it. I had only been in Los Angeles for a week when I felt the withdrawal come over me. The smog was unfamiliar to my lungs, despite how little time I spent outside. The abrasiveness in the voices of people was gone; instead, it soothed you into banter. I felt uneasy delving so deep into conversations about lifestyles and beliefs with people who couldn't pinpoint what the I-95 was. My vacation was quickly turning into a burden.

And so there I sat, looking past the miniature crystals that had formed on the exterior of the Plexiglas, wondering when I would jump back into routine. I envisioned glasses perched on my nose and a ballpoint pen in hand, writing sentences to tie up the article I would have to submit before midnight Eastern Standard Time. I'd gone many days without my notebook, at the advice of my co-workers who told me I spent too much time writing for the magazine we "slaved" away at. I squinted to see through the sheet of stratus clouds until a break in the pattern showed me a hint of terrain. I saw a cluster of buildings, a smattering of lights, and I smiled. I was home. 11:09 PM and I was finally home. "Welcome to John F. Kennedy International Airport. We thank you for flying with Delta tonight."