Posts by ValC

ValC

Dec 21, 2018

Writing Feedback / Underground Station passenger numbers in London! The line graph. [3]

I think this was well written, but instead of "the passengers number slightly rises," a better way to word it would be "the number of passengers rises slightly, hitting a plateau of ..."

ValC

Dec 21, 2018

Undergraduate / "Life's short, don't waste it" - Yale writing supplement [4]

I really liked how you answered the question, i dont know if there is a specific word limit but you should try to include examples to give the reader a picture. I would also use "life is short" instead of "life's"

ValC

Dec 21, 2018

Undergraduate / UBC PERSONAL PROFILE - traits that make me who I am and the love I have for helping others. [4]

prompt:

Please tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why.

I wanted to write the first paragraph as if someone who knows me well was describing me but i dont want it to sound as if i got someone to write it for me. I dont want to sound conceited but i also want to highlight my strengths. Does the second paragraph need a conclusion? let me know what you guys think. Thank you!

"she is passionate, devoted, hard-working, loyal..." these descriptions are just a few characteristics that people use to describe her. Who she is can not be described in one word, it is a cluster of traits that make her the best version of a daughter, friend, classmate and student. When her family's business was destroyed after a tragic fire, she did not run in the face of adversity, instead she worked hard to get scholarships in school and was devoted to rebuilding what was lost. Her friends describe her as quirky, creative and funny but also loyal because regardless of what is going on in her life she will always be present when needed. To the people in the community she is a kind and empathetic but also incredibly eager to learn, she will always work to improve by challenging herself and asking questions. This is how someone who knows me well would describe me.

A trait I am most proud of is my desire to help people because this has taught me lifelong lessons about the world and myself. Volunteering in different fields has allowed me to fulfill my passion and learn through hands-on experiences. My position at BC cancer involves one to one conversations with patients, in where many of them confide in me with their personal worries and thoughts. Additionally, running day camps for children who have recently lost a loved one, in partnership with hospice society, requires careful counselling sessions and compassionate empathy.