Letters / "don't want to scare you away" - Stanford Roommate Essay [6]

MY CONCERNS ABOUT THE ESSAY: Although I think this essay reflects me, I don't know if I managed to tell things about me that the admissions officers actually would want to know. For example, I said that I'm extremely talkative, but that statement was also about how I like to discuss a lot of different issues, but I'm not sure if that came across. I really would appreciate some help about how to improve. Thanks XD

PROMPT: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your freshman year roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.

Hey Roomie,

I don't want to scare you away, but I feel compelled to warn you. I am a broken record that never stops talking, so if you require a moment of peace, be sure to bring some reliable headphones. Don't worry the headphones will definitely be a wise investment (I love to sing, too). However, if you ever care to listen, you'll realize that behind my incessant chatter, lies my desire to discuss and hear what you think about Obama's Nobel prize win or Beyonce's new single. My desk always has a bottle of Purell. I'm obsessed with cleanliness, yet somehow can't figure out how to get rid of the papers scattered in a mess about my room. I may seem indecisive at times, but it's only because I can see the pros and cons to every decision. I despise getting wet in the rain, but love listening to the harsh pitter patter as I'm working late into the night. I cannot understand a word of Korean, but I'm addicted to Korean dramas. My mother thinks it's a waste of my time, but this summer I managed to surprise a native Korean with my breadth of cultural knowledge. My outlook may often seem too pessimistic or dry, but a sliver of hope and romance still thrives inside of me, especially when it comes to Bollywood. I consciously realize that Bollywood is highly unrealistic and silly, yet I hope that someday a scene in my life will play out just like a Bollywood movie with the whole singing, dancing, and corniness. Hopefully, you won't have to deal with my quirks too much because I'll keep myself busy with classes and clubs. We'll have a great time as roommates and we'll definitely get along just fine as long as you don't point out my big nose.

I was also considering just scrapping this essay and writing another one. Is that a better idea? Thanks again.

Undergraduate / The inconsistency in my life made me who I am today. (biographical essay) [5]

This is supposed to be a biographical essay. Please rip apart the essay and if possible be specific on how I can improve the essay. Any feedback would be helpful. Thanks

Our society places great emphasis on consistency. The public looks for politicians who are consistent in their promises. The college admissions process searches for students with consistently good grades or consistent commitment to a particular extracurricular. My life, however, lacks consistency. By the time I was in 6th grade, my family had moved five times. Because of all the moving, nothing was really consistent in my life. My friends were always changing and my surroundings were changing. Immigrating to America was difficult even at the age of four. I wasn't fluent in English, I didn't like the hamburgers, and I didn't know anybody. As time went on, I slowly started to adapt to the Orlando, Florida. However, just a mere six months later, I was forced to move to New Jersey. This time I had to get used to the horrible cold weather and snow. It didn't take me long to realize that I hated snow. Plus, wearing a gazillion layers of clothing to take a step out of the house was not my idea of fun. That move was followed by two others, one back to Florida and then to Sacramento. In Sacramento, I began to feel like I had found my home. We had live there for almost three years when it happened again. I moved. The move to Los Angeles was hard, but with time Los Angeles became my home and I've lived here ever since.

During these moves, I stopped looking for the consistency that I once yearned for. My parents suggested that I search for consistency through extracurricular activities. Every time I began to pursue an extracurricular activity at full speed, however, I found a speed bump, in the form of moving, awaiting for me. Pursuing the same activity in a different place exuded a different feeling. It just wasn't the same. So, with every move, I embraced a new beginning and a new identity. I was a figure skater in New Jersey, a pianist in Florida, and a basketball player in Sacramento. By the time, I moved to Los Angeles, I had abandoned every one of these identities.

The limited exposure I got to different activities shaped me. Figure skating gave me the grace to become dancer. Because I had already played the piano, learning to play the clarinet became easy. And, playing basketball helped condition me to run cross country. The real change that came was that I realized that I could never be the best if I kept doing. So, when it dawned on me that we were here to stay in Los Angeles, I pursued each of my extracurricular activities with a new fervor.

Furthermore, my personality has changed since my first move. For one, I've become much more "Americanized" as my parents like to point out. I speak fluent English. I love fast food and although I still listen to Bollywood music, I listen to alternative, rock, and even country. Having had to make new friends over and over again, I've become better to opening up to strangers. New situations have ceased to daunt me and I can take whatever life throws at me.

I'll admit that consistency is not without value, but a great soul has nothing to do with consistency. The inconsistency in my life made me who I am today.

Undergraduate / Questbridge Essay/ Intellectual Vitality [4]

Describe an experience that you have had or a concept you have learned about that intellectually excites you. When answering this question, you may want to consider some of the following questions: Why does this topic excite you? How does it impact the way you or others experience the world? What questions do you continue to ponder about it?

Please tell me your overall impression and be brutally honest. Also, is it too short or too vague? (Word limit: 500) Thanks.

There are two types of people in this world: the kind that are in the box and the kind outside of it. I'm the kind that's stuck in the box. To me, constraints and limitations are the most real. However, after seeing robotics after robotics competition, I can see that the winners don't break the rules, they just push them to the limit. That's why I'm always looking for a way to expand the box so that the outside becomes the inside.

That's why I get a kick out of Robotics. There are rules that have to be followed, but there's also a game to be won. This year in my Engineering Design and Development class, in teams of ten, a robotics system is to autonomously assemble another robot consisting of five separate modules that must fit within a 3 inch cube. The limitations on this problem are endless, ranging from the design itself to budget considerations. How can I take a 3 inch module and make it to expand? Can I find inexpensive parts that are small enough? There are so many problems and so many answers to each problem.

Pondering the solutions to each of these problems is frustrating, but finding a plausible solution is equally exhilarating. The team dynamics adds another layer to the whole design process. Every team member usually offers his or her own idea. With each suggestion, my goal is to find the problems with that design. Even the best of ideas, usually have some sort of flaw. I love looking for flaws not because I want to shoot down the idea, but so that we can determine if can fix the flaws and use the idea.

Robotics really makes me think. It's all about finding the problem and then solving it. The only reason it's exciting because all that problem solving is working towards that final product. When that idea finally does come together and I see the robot in action, it makes all that hard work worth it.

Note: Also, if it's a problem that I'm posting an essay again, I'm extremely sorry. Feel freee to tell me.