not_from_denmark
Jan 9, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS : In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree? [2]
There are some grammatical mistakes here:
should be changed to "advertising alcoholic beverages" or "advertising alcohol"
should be changed to "if a country wants to drop the number of drinkers"
In addition:
"It is agreed to ban the ..."
This phrase could be worded better; it doesn't sound right.
Also, your write-up is vey unbalanced. You are against the advertising of alcoholic drinks, but you don't explore any positives of it: helping the economy, providing jobs, preventing other more serious addictions, etc.
There are some grammatical mistakes here:
should be changed to "advertising alcoholic beverages" or "advertising alcohol"
should be changed to "if a country wants to drop the number of drinkers"
In addition:
"It is agreed to ban the ..."
This phrase could be worded better; it doesn't sound right.
Also, your write-up is vey unbalanced. You are against the advertising of alcoholic drinks, but you don't explore any positives of it: helping the economy, providing jobs, preventing other more serious addictions, etc.