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Posts by Ioneskoanna
Name: Anna
Joined: Jan 14, 2019
Last Post: Jan 26, 2019
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: Russian Federation

Displayed posts: 5
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Ioneskoanna   
Jan 23, 2019
Writing Feedback / High salary or a good work atmosphere. Discursive Essay IELTS [5]

Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

labour conditions are more important than an income



While some consider that a worthwhile job should be highly remunerative, others hold the opinion that working under favourable conditions is an even much more valuable factor in job selection. This essay will examine both of these points and will support the idea of the importance of a positive working environment because this is what affects both employee's health and working efficiency.

On the one hand, money is widely known as a prime motivating factor for any potential worker in order to afford a decent way of living both for himself and his family. In other words, the higher income a person gets the better living conditions he lives in, the fancier things he may allow to acquire, and the more travelling opportunities he could seize. These material benefits, in turn, bring a sense of personal fulfilment and high self-esteem. For example, the research collected by the National Academy of Sciences found that the emotional welfare of a well-paid individual rises by 40% along with pay increment.

On the other hand, it can be argued that working in a healthy work environment is something that must be taken into consideration as a matter of priority. In fact, I do support this idea because, if an employee is put under adverse working conditions, this is likely to make him feel dissatisfied with his job, which might result in reducing working productivity. Instead of doing his best at the workplace, a person will be concerned about coping with a dead-end job. Furthermore, positive atmosphere at work may have a beneficial effect on human health. Several studies of the World Health Organization showed that this factor diminishes the possibility of such health problems as depression, overstress, or sick building syndrome.

To sum up, despite the fact that high income is considered to be extremely vital for picking a decent workplace, I personally agree with the idea that pleasant labour conditions are an even more major aspect since it enables to prevent health issues and lead to outstanding performance at the workplace.
Ioneskoanna   
Jan 23, 2019
Writing Feedback / Write a paragraph about mathematics [4]

Hi! It is quite an amusing paragraph, however, I'd make a bit more complex sentences rather than simple ones. For example:

Secondly, do not forget ... = Secondly, the most important thing you need is being patient enough.
or
Maybe you can learn ... = Learning from others may be very helpful.

Good luck!
Ioneskoanna   
Jan 23, 2019
Writing Feedback / The extinction of animal species such as land and marine animals results from human activities IELTS [3]

Hi! Overall, the essay is written very well, however, it lacks some essential structural features. For example, the second body paragraph does not explain the causes of extinction, as it only describes the cruel methods of this action. Also, the conclusion must be more extended, 2-3 sentences and should not start from 'to a word'. You have to use more academic linkers, as far as I'm concerned. And some slight grammar corrections which I've observed:

modernized

the most cruelest

plenty of creatures injured*

even causing

making ends meet

Good luck!
Ioneskoanna   
Jan 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2. Encouraging children to live separately from parents [3]

Young people share a living space with their parents as long as possible



Some people encourage young children to leave their parents' house as soon as possible they are adults while others say that children should live with their family as long as possible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, more and more young adults tend to share a living space with their parents as long as possible. While this trend is widely supported by some people, others are opposed to this view. Despite I personally believe that children should move out of the family home as soon as they are grown up, this essay will examine both sides of the issue and provide with relevant examples.

First of all, it is undoubtful that living apart from parents enables an adolescent to develop into a mature person, both mentally and financially. As soon as an infant leaves a parental house, he has no choice but to acquire problem solving skills which are necessary in various aspects of life, such as performing household chores, handling his own finances, and tackling with social interaction. Moreover, in order to cover all the living expenses, a juvenile would endeavor best efforts to secure a well-remunerated job. For example, a recent research by a university of Cincinnati showed that 72 per cent of American adults aged 18, who live on their own, succeeded to secure a well-paid job.

Yet there are some opponents of this idea that are convinced infants would benefit a great deal more from settling in their parental house. Objectively, daily communication and timespending with a close-knit family could nothing but contribute to strengthening family bonds as well as preserving family traditions. For instance, it is widely common for the Italians aged 18 to 30 to live together with their folks without suffering from family estrangement. Additional benefit of staying in the parental house for a long time is being assisted financially. For example, a child supported by parents is likely to save up a desirable amount of money for tuition fees or pay off the student loan.

To conclude, I firmly believe that although encouraging children to live with a family may be fairly beneficial, the most valuable experience can be acquired through living separately from them, since only then can juveniles stand on their own feet and become self-sufficient as well.
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