toannguyenduc
May 2, 2019
Writing Feedback / Ielts-Writing-Task2-divorce rates skyrocketing recently [4]
Firstly, I think you need to improve your grammar. For example: in the thesis statement, you can say: "In my opinion, I will point out several reasons causing this problem and give some solutions to improve the status".
Secondly, in the second paragraph, it is necessary to put a clear topic sentence to attract readers. You can say: "I think there are some reasons that are attributed to high divorce proportion in recent years. The first reason is that ...." And you should give some more reason to make your essay more persuasive.
Firstly, I think you need to improve your grammar. For example: in the thesis statement, you can say: "In my opinion, I will point out several reasons causing this problem and give some solutions to improve the status".
Secondly, in the second paragraph, it is necessary to put a clear topic sentence to attract readers. You can say: "I think there are some reasons that are attributed to high divorce proportion in recent years. The first reason is that ...." And you should give some more reason to make your essay more persuasive.