What Is The Ultimate Key To Success In Life?
Hard work is very important in our life. Some people argue that luck plays no role for success of people. In my opinion, hard work is necessary but people can reach success more quickly if they have luck.
On the one hand, hard work is an essential quality to successful people working in any fields. Hard work enables us to gain essential knowledge, skills and experiences required in our life. For instance, those who want to become a good doctor must take a lot of time and effort to learn medical knowledge and practice clinical skills in medical schools. My brother has made great efforts for over 10 years, reading lots of textbooks and overcoming numerous examinations to become a surgeon.
However, we can reach our goals more easily if we have luck. Luck facilitates us the realization of plans, enabling us to reach our goals and objectives in a shorter period of time. Five years ago, my father's company specializing in manufacturing organic products was at the verge of bankruptcy due to low demand in domestic market. Fortunately, the company overcame the crisis thanks to timely support from the government, promoting export organic products to foreign markets. It is obvious that hard work accompany with luck may bring us to new horizons.
However, it is no good to rely entirely on luck. Luck is only a catalyst to promote hard-working people reach their goal quickly. If luck is not accompanied with knowledge, skills and experiences gained from hard labor, opportunities will certainly be wasted regrettably. Story of my uncle is a classic example. He is a farmer and an alcohol addict. One year ago, he won the lottery with large amount of money but then he mainly invested in alcohol and drugs and now he return to poor person.
In conclusion, for all of the reasons above, I believe that both hard work and luck play important role in success of any people.
I think you should mention to use present continuous perfect tense : My brother has been making great efforts for the better part of 10 years
I highly recommend that you give more context or specific information regarding the topics that you have. For instance, while you have discussed how luck influences us, it would be nicer if you could define what luck specifically means for you in this essay. You could perhaps mention that luck is an organic force in the world that creates a sphere of attaining success. To substantiate, you should also try to become more balanced when it comes to constructing your content. You can perhaps discuss the shortcomings of luck - how it cannot necessarily be attained by everyone, especially because it's not something that you can directly earn.
Moreover, I also recommend that you watch out for minute mistakes that can do negatively contribute to your essay's structure. You should be able to reread and determine portions that are grammatically incorrect. You can do a lot of things in relation to this. You can try to be more wary of the words that you write.
Let's look at your fourth paragraph. The last sentence here had sporadic mistakes. I could revise this portion instead as:
A year ago, he had won the lottery, earning him a huge sum of money. This money, however, was used mainly for alcohol and drugs. This caused him to return back to poverty.
Notice the way that I phrased it. For one, I took the story step by step to create a better flow and structure for the essay. This is a better approach because it will be easier than cramming everything into a single sentence.
Thank you so much for your response. I'll mind my mistakes and improve them.
Your opening and ending paragraph are quite the same. You both used "play an important role". I suggest u should not use the same way twice especially in the open and end which would make readers notice more. You can use words like:" crucial, indispensable, essential" instead of "important".
I rewrite your conclusion as:
"Both hard work and luck are crucial and have their own role in one's succes, although one is uncontrollable, another depends on yourself."