Writing Feedback / Elite Training - [IELTS TASK2] - young people should be required to stay in full-time education? [6]

Hello, i'll try my best to help you.

Your essay is quite good, almost the idea are clear except for the introduction due to the lack of thesis centences. Because this is agurmentative essay, so you must add your own opinion about the problem. For instance, this topic asks "To what extent do you agree or disagree", you should write "In my opinion/From my point of view, despite the potential risks the pose, they does have many beneficial effects on individuals" or "I strongly agree/disagree with this statement". Thesis centences are very important for achieving higher Ielts score, especially in these kind of essay.

Good luck!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2 - Friends through social networks and internet. Discuss both views and give your opinion [5]

Hello, I'll try my best to help you.

The essay is quite clear, though there are mistakes about arranging the ideas. For instance, your introduction seems quite difficult for people to follow so you should try to rewrite it in the more appropriate way.

You should combine par2 and par3 to just only one section and also you can shorten some phases such as "to make friends with people ... gender" can change to "from every walks of live" or "regardless of location, cultural backgrounds and ages" so it can help to avoid repetitions in centence structures.

Good luck!