Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by obluebeanso
Name: Maryam Rizwan Manzoor
Joined: Oct 18, 2019
Last Post: Oct 18, 2019
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States
School: Syracuse University

Displayed posts: 6
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obluebeanso   
Oct 18, 2019
Undergraduate / Woman for Humanity - the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University [2]

Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this? (Maximum: 250 words)

Please review my short paragraph. It's a rough draft but I have no idea where to take it!

I strive to be the humanitarian



I dream of becoming the woman who puts human back into humanity. But first, here's a little backstory. The hardest part of my college journey had been choosing a major. I've always been decisive, so my uncertainty was a struggle for both me and my family. A family friend of mine suggested speech therapy. I will not forget the expressions on her face, tears in her eyes, and gratefulness in her voice as she was telling me about her daughter's therapist. It was so heartfelt that at that moment I decided my dream is to be someone who could solicit that reaction out of people. I know I wanted to choose a path where I could benefit others. But I also realized that I didn't have to limit myself by only helping people through my career. There are other ways such as volunteer work, donations, and raising awareness. I believe Syracuse University can help me achieve my dream not only by providing extraordinary academics but also by giving me the skills and abilities necessary for leadership and management through which I can be the humanitarian I strive to be.
obluebeanso   
Oct 18, 2019
Letters / Motivation Letter for Double Degree DAAD Scholarship for Integrated Urbanism and Sustainable Design [3]

I learnt how to visualise
- learned

..., I will be in the position to ...
- the article the might be incorrect in this context, try changing it to "a"

... because it is beacon of ...
- add an article, either "the" or "a"

... rewarded it's citizens for ...
- no need for contraction, "its" should do it

... to make unprecedented transformation
- add an article, like "an unprecedented"

Overall I think your letter is incredibly cohesive and enrapturing. Highly motivational and I really enjoyed it! Good luck with your application!
obluebeanso   
Oct 18, 2019
Writing Feedback / Dwellers of residences - percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation [3]

Overall I think you did a pretty neat job summarizing the information. It was to the point and easy to understand. There are only a few grammatic changes I would make.

1-... accommodation goes upward, and ... homes goes in the opposite direction.
2-... had an equal proportions.
3-... residence had a higher percentage
4-... overtook almost 60% of people
obluebeanso   
Oct 18, 2019
Undergraduate / Multicultural affairs - Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? [3]

the environment with possibilities



Syracuse University's efforts towards enhancing multicultural affairs is what influenced me to apple. Coming from a multicultural background, it's important that whichever institute I consider, also considers me. I was born in Columbus, Ohio, raised in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and originally from Karachi, Pakistan. I believe everyone deserves equal respect and opportunity no matter their race, religion, gender, or social class. Unfortunately, the environment I grew up in was unsupportive of my values. Job offerings were tendentious, schools were segregated, and most religious institutes, including those within the realm of the predominant religion, were banned. Personally, I spent most of my Thursdays awaiting a text from an appointed messenger informing me where the next Friday sermon would take place. It was held in a different location every week since my community's version of Islam was not acceptable in the country. Luckily however, after attending one of SU's diversity sessions for new students, I found my values reflected at Syracuse University. All the clubs, organizations, and events directed towards promoting inclusivity at Syracuse are exactly what I had been looking for! At Syracuse, I see myself being part of the MLLC and attending C.A.R.E dialogue circles. I wish to encourage multicultural competence and interfaith dialogue while expressing myself in ways most true to myself. Whether it may be my studies in Human Development or just watching one of Syracuse's many basketball games, I believe that Syracuse can give me the right environment to do what I previously could not, to help grow my interests.
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