Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by prmchpra7
Name: Prem
Joined: Oct 19, 2019
Last Post: Oct 22, 2019
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
Likes: 1
From: India

Displayed posts: 5
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prmchpra7   
Oct 22, 2019
Undergraduate / When my dog died - Most Significant challenge I faced - MIT Prompt [2]

Hi,

Following is only a first draft of mit prompt "Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation? (250 words)" I would really appreciate if someone can give me feedback in regard to the content of the essay. Once I am able to get the content going that is answering the prompt properly, I will start improving my overall phrasing and grammar etc.

overcoming depression



When my dog died, I was feeling very depressed. Over the next few months, my grades declined by a few percentage in my academics and my participation decreased in extracurricular activities, my parents decided to take me to a vacation for to cheer me up. After the vacation, I started performing well in everything and was back on track. My parents were happy with my performance. My grades were up, and my participation increased in chess, karate and other tournaments. But I still had the feeling of emptiness inside of me. I always felt unhappy, but I did a good job of hiding it from my parents, my friends and other people. I would pretend to be normal, attend social events, joke around. What I would feel is content for short periods of time followed by raw emptiness feeling inside of me. I decided to act on this and started improving myself. I started learning music, exercising regularly and eating healthy. Nothing seemed to work, and I constantly found myself wondering the meaning of life and death. I was asking myself what my purpose is and how do I matter in this vast universe. Until one day when I was sitting on a dark night alone in a park just staring at a sky. Suddenly I saw a shooting star. This was the first time I have ever seen one. This was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I also felt the feeling the feeling of "light" inside of me which I haven't felt in a while. I started seeking out more places outside of the city where I could observe the sky without light pollution. I even bought a telescope. When I looked through the telescope, I was wonderstruck by the beauty that lies within our universe. I have never seen such a beautiful sight before in my life. The more I looked at this, the more I realized the meaning behind everything. I realized how little piece I was in this vast board game people call "Universe". There is so much to know yet we know next to nothing. The mysteries of this universe excite me. Since that night, everyday I wake up to with a purpose to learn as much as I can. Everything I have done, I have done with that purpose in my mind. The most amazing part is the more I learn, the more I get inspired to learn even more and I can never get enough of this. I don't know where I will be from 5 or 10 years from now, but all I know is that I will never stop my thirst for knowledge.
prmchpra7   
Oct 22, 2019
Writing Feedback / What makes an advertisement effective ? [2]

Hey,
What is the word limit for this essay?
I am not an expert but, I can give you some pointers-

-"it is necessary to consider carefully before making it" For this line, when you say consider carefully, what exactly are you telling us to consider?

-In line two, instead of using "main subjects" maybe use the term "target audience"
- Instead of "Second, to be able to attract ... Especially, these unique ads ..." maybe say something along the lines- "Another important aspect of advertising is the creativity of the advertisement. In order to attract more attention, an advertisement should be able to stand out from other boring advertisements. The uniqueness of an advertisement can have a huge impact on the total numbers of viewers"

These were only a few points that came to my mind. Your essay has good content as in you are able to support your points by giving concrete examples. You just need to work a little bit on grammar, punctuations and overall phrasing of the sentences.
prmchpra7   
Oct 22, 2019
Letters / Letter of recommendation for The Master of Information System [4]

Hey,

I just have one suggestion. In your 2nd paragraph, you say "I think this is a big problem but facing all ..."

I think that instead of just saying that, you should actually write a specific example of the said problem you faced and how you overcame the issue with the help of your professor. This will improve your LOR as you will be giving concrete evidence to support your claims.

Same goes for other qualities that you have mentioned in your letter.

A general rule of thumb, as explained to me by another professor, is that if you can swap out your name with any other person's name in your class in the LOR, then that LOR is not as effective as compared to the one which only works for you and not for anyone else.
prmchpra7   
Oct 22, 2019
Undergraduate / "My world and my Dreams" MIT prompt [3]

@Maria

Thanks for the feedback! The essay has word limit of 250 words. I understand that I need to work more on grammar and presentation. Apart from this, do you also have any feedback regarding the content? Do I need to add/remove something in order to answer the prompt better?

Once again, thanks for taking time and providing feedback!
prmchpra7   
Oct 19, 2019
Undergraduate / "My world and my Dreams" MIT prompt [3]

Hello all,
I'd appreciate any advice I could get on my MIT essay draft. Thank you so much!

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?

shattered dreams



Even though the people around me have supported me, only a few believed in me. My beliefs were dismissed, and I was told to not ask questions. When I started questioning religion and god, I was told to shut up and that I would never succeed in life if I question god. Similarly, when I questioned everyone's pursuit of wealth instead of knowledge, I was told I was naïve and young. At every step, I and several other young girls like me are held back by the stigma in Indian society. I have been told numerous times by everyone around me that going abroad is a waste of time and money and I should just get a degree in IIT in India if I want to earn a lot of money. What they fail to understand is, I am not trying to pursue wealth or religion but instead I am trying to pursue knowledge and science. The reason why I want to study at MIT is that I want to learn from the best. I want to get a better understanding of the working of our world while breaking barriers for not only my sisters and cousins but also the countless other young children whose dreams are shattered by the people who tell them to just keep their heads down and not to dream.
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