Writing Feedback / Australian students after education - Essay for academic writing task 1 [2]

Thank you for reading my essay! I want to enhance my writing skill, i hope you guys can help me to fix it and give me your prediction about my score.

The proportion of Australians who continued to study

Topic: The charts show what Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts give information about the proportions of Australian students what they did directly after leaving educational institution in the years 1980, 1990 and 2000.

It is noticeable that half of Australian people continued to study after secondary school in 1980 but it declined in twenty years later. Proportionally, we can also see an increase in the proportion of unemployed and employed leavers within 2-decade period.

In 1980, almost 50% of Australian student studied further education but 40% of the rest of students got jobs immediately.However, the figure for advanced level had an sharp decrease and were much less percentage on average than that of the employed people ( with 38% and 50% respectively ) in ten years later.

The proportion of Australians who continued to study had an slight decline by only 1%, while, there was a rise of 5% in the percentage of those who were the employees, from 50% to 55%, in 2000. Unemployed people see rose between 10% in 1980 and 12% in 1990, but that had a twofold decrease in next ten years later.

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Writing Feedback / Optimistic people who have more opportunities to make positive changes to the world [2]

The optimism level in the world today

Subject: Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century ?

Recent years have seen intense debates on optimism in worldwide. In 21st century, most people is becoming optimistic who have more opportunities and modify in not only their own life but also the society around them. In my own perspective, I completely agree with their optimism.

There are many crucial factors which impact on modified life. In fact, good mental health is the key to people's well-being. In term of emotion, when people can reveal everything inside who could feel better due to understanding, maintaining good mind-set can help people to have the positive thinking whenever having trouble such as in career. Besides that, taking pleasure in mind somehow brings more opportunities and professional growth. Instead of giving up because of problems, it brings lots of experiences for optimism, when people think that everything will be fine, at that time, it is true that they are modifying their life. Let's take something as a typical example an employer get both the positive and negative feedback from manager in working, who thinks about the merits more than the drawbacks to get the experiences. Thus, it is an ideal consideration to have the positive chances as a factor of keeping good mental health.

In regard to world change, most people have the positive outlook in new era, it brings many benefits between people and people and reduces the competition with rival. Having the good quality of living and working, people reduce the negative outlook who would have the better emotion that it effects on career, communication and relationship. The best mental health is indispensable in life, people are able to work with full of energy by its. Due to developing city, people's awareness is essential to make positive changes to the world. Imagine if between people and people always think about the adverse way and live in the always nervious think, they would never get the opportunities from society.

In conclusion, people should be optimistic to have more opportunities and make positive changes to the world. Always maintain mental heath and positive outlook are the main factors for them in new century.