Posts by bachache

bachache

Mar 25, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Public funds on the arts? Is the government wasting money? [5]

You might have an additional idea for the third paragraph: Arts is not only aesthetically pleasing and play a pivotal role in our sentimental life but it also expresses the culture of a country. Moreover, human beings have a diversity of talents. Hereby, it is unfair for people who are innate in Át not to gain any support from the goverment. Had it not been for their songs or their paintings, the nation would not have been synonymous for having such talented geniuses.

You should give your opinion, I think it is agree or not. It will not only lengthen your essay but also be a strong suit in grammar and vocabulary. Have a shot at it, for example, Each has a point but i have the tendency to gravitate towards sth...

Your essay has a upside: very clear idea, but you need to enhance your diversity in using sentences structures. To make it clear, it is practicality of ... that; or If...,... and passive voice. Could you attempt to use more academic words? And remember, add more lexical resources. I know you paraphased well, but to make it more transparent, you should put more "Additionally, Consequently, Moreover,..."you name it, or "It is far from truthful to say that ...." or "In the grand scheme of this problem,..." It sounds quite academic but believe me, its familiar to them.

Consequently, Im not very sure if it can help you to improve as I dont have much experience in IELTS. I am just studying in a highschool in Viet Nam. Stay safe during this pandemic.

bachache

Mar 25, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Should animals be kept in zoos? Describe both views and give your own opinion [2]

Criticism of zoos

Over the recent years, a range of zoos has been built in order to meet the certain need of entertainment industry. Despite the common belief that zoos do wonders for our life, other criticisms placed emphasis on their radical downsides. In my opinion, zoos are undeniably beneficial; however, I totally agree that animals should not be kept in this environment.

On the one hand, zoos have been proven to play a pivotal role in our life for a long time. As for children, had it not been for zoos, they could not have met a diversity of animals in the flesh instead of gazing them via televisions. It is the practicality of this place that schools are attempting to replace Biology lessons by zoo trips. Although it is difficult in the sense that hardly can teachers take care of their pupils, this method helps students enhance comprehension and release stress after nerve-racking tasks.

On the other hand, keeping animals in zoos is based on the principle of preservation, yet this approach impedes their wild characteristics. To make it clear, a lion might lose his ability to hunt the preys after a ten-year period staying in a prohibited area. Moreover, with the speedy development of technology, human beings are virtually having the tendency to gravitate towards smart devices. Hereby, the lower income zoo staffs earn, the more inhumane attitudes towards animals they have. Unarguably, wicked treatments pose a threat to animals' vulnerable mentalities. In reality, a variety of zoo creatures suffered from depression because of starvation, isolation and fear of being treated in an unethical way.

In the grand scheme of this problem, despite their strong suit, zoos are unacceptably violating animals' right. Although these places are still prevalent in the society, I do believe that animals should grow up in their natural habitats since this approach helps improve biodiversity.

P/S: Could you rate my band score since the next month Im about to have an actual IELTS test. I don't know what to improve, may you suggest too...? And last but not least: stay safe and healthy during this pandemic!!!