Posts by thanhnhannnnn [Suspended]

thanhnhannnnn

Jul 20, 2020

Writing Feedback / There's an increasing number of people who choose to delay childbirth due to several reasons [6]

I think this sentence will be better if it is reformed like this: ... to pursue education ~~and~~ as well as enter ...

thanhnhannnnn

Jul 20, 2020

Writing Feedback / What are the reasons for bigger wage for celebrities than politicians? Evaluate this development. [3]

@keithkwan14
Personally, I think your topic sentence for the second paragraph doesn't give a clear overview: Firstly, politicians are usually with higher education background and reputation. Since main idea in this paragraph is that the injustice in recognizing politicians who gain higher education of the public will lead to false perceptions among young people, it's better to integrate 3 first sentences together.

Moreover, as there are two questions in the task, I think you should answer both of them. I see that, in your essay, you just explained negative effects, and mentioned the 1st question (what....) in just one sentence.

I hope these things can be useful for you.

thanhnhannnnn

Jul 20, 2020

Writing Feedback / The information on coffee and tea consumption and interest in drinks in 5 Australian cities [4]

@Holt
I'm thankful for your valuable help. I will try better next time.

thanhnhannnnn

Jul 19, 2020

Writing Feedback / The information on coffee and tea consumption and interest in drinks in 5 Australian cities [4]

Writing task 1, test1 cam 15, Bar chart

This is my writing task 1 for Cambridge 15 test 1. Since I'm going to have an IELTS test in early August, I hope to receive moderators' comments to improve my writing skills. Thanks sincerely.

The bar chart illustrates the information on coffee and tea consumption and interest in drinks in 5 Australia cities.
Overall, it can be seen that Australian tended to enjoy drinking coffee/tea in a cafe rather than making coffee by themselves. Besides, instant coffee seemed to be more popular than the fresh one in all 5 cities.

In detail, over half of the population in 4 cities were interesting in having coffee/tea in a cafe, especially in Melbourne, the figure was 63%. Compared to people in other cities, residents in Adelaide showed the lowest interest since there were just 49% of them choose to go to a cafe shop.

Regarding instant coffee, Hobart and Brisbane had the largest consumption, which was nearly 55% and 53% of people bought this kind, respectively. In comparison, fresh coffee seemed to be the last choice of Australian as the percentage of residents who bought it was always lower than 45% during the period shown. In Brisbane, the figure was even beneath 35%.

cam15t1task1.png