Undergraduate / "Why Do You Want To Attend a Service Acdemy?" Question(s) for Nomination [3]

@Holt
I appreciate the sincerity of your response. Honestly I was taken aback at first then realized that you're completely right about it. Talking about community service and probably something such as JROTC instead of just saying I can do stuff would actually be a really good idea. It's just more difficult due to the 300 word limit fitting in details without going to far into them and having a decent amount of "buzz" to it. I see that I focused much too hard on the "buzz" and not enough on the action. Is there anything in it that I could possibly keep? Anything that would sound good alongside actual supporting events?

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2 " Art can be made by everyone or with those with special ability" [2]

Hey @student_univers! You got a pretty solid argument here, really there's only repeat spelling issues and the lack of a clear "thesis" or claim. Starting with the most important issue here, being your thesis. One major thing you never want to do in an argumentative essay is "sit on the fence" or try to take a neutral stance.

In your last paragraph where you stake your opinion you start off on the fence then save yourself by saying exactly how you feel. I'd recommend taking out the part "As we have seen, there are no easy answers to this question" as you need to make a direct claim, not state that there is no easy way to make a claim. Keep the remaining portion of your claim however, since you give them a direct answer that answers the prompt of giving your opinion. Besides your thesis issue, the only remaining issues would be repeat spelling errors and some use of cliche statements. I mean no disrespect correcting you, I only intend to help.

So,with this in mind, many times you use the word "Practice", so all you have to do is fix the "S" in each use of the word and you'll be good there! In the first paragraph, I'd recommend changing "making art is a specialty" to "making art is an inherently natural thing that can't be learned" as a specialty CAN be learned, against the beliefs of the individuals taking this side. Directly after that, I'd recommend fixing "able to carry ..." to "able to create art regardless of inherent skill".

In your third paragraph, I'd recommend looking over the sentence "...because art like: sport, painting and poetry are considered professions and specialties that require perfection when exercising". The use of the colon is unnecessary as the list provided is quite short and could be separated by use of normal comas. Secondly, I'd recommend taking out the words "specialties" and "professions" as both of these describe things that many people CAN do regardless of natural ability, which goes against this sides argument of not being able to learn art. Regarding the last sentence of your third paragraph, completely change the sentence " In order to get a ..." to something much more natural, such as " For many individuals, the making of art that is considered "groundbreaking" requires immense skill and effort to be put into its creation; work and effort that would be better spent by someone who is talented in art".

Other than that, just look over your capitalization at the beginning of each sentence to make sure it's properly capitalized and review the spelling of some words such as "Compulsory" in paragraph 3, line 1. Good luck and hope this helps!