Writing Feedback / Nowadays people are spending more time at their workplace. Why is it? Is it positive or negative? [3]

i have rewrite it in my ways

... It is said that lots of people... designer is definitely willing to focus on their workday by day in order to create ... Secondly, in a highly competitive company, each members are is required to ...

... thus increases, which ...

... more time on working means ... .., causing a high risk for ... Also, workaholics may neglect ... or even just hang out and ...

... leads to lots of serious issues. It is essential to achieve ...

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: THE AVERAGE PERCENTAGES IN TYPICAL MEALS OF THREE TYPES OF NUTRIENTS. [4]

i think you use the word "pecentage" too many time and you can change it into "rate" or anything else
illustrate change to illustrated