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Posts by jannicefelicia
Name: Jannice Felicia
Joined: Aug 5, 2020
Last Post: Sep 9, 2020
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 4
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jannicefelicia   
Sep 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Why do more and more young people want to be celebrities? Write a paragraph of about 140 words [5]

I assume you tried to sugarcoat the words to achieve the minimum word count, yet your essay did not reach at least 140 words. I understand that you also attempted to use words like 'first of all' or 'more and more' to sound smarter, however, doing so does not make your essay better. Overall, I think it is good that your paragraph already answered the question, but, like @Holt said, your words must be more concise (remember to avoid sugarcoating words), and you need to work on your grammar as well.
jannicefelicia   
Aug 5, 2020
Scholarship / Helping other people grow - Personal Statement for GKS Scholarship 2020 (Embassy Track) [7]

Hello everyone, I have drafted my personal statement for the GKS Scholarship Application (I am applying for a master's degree) and I would like you to kindly review my essay. Thank you in advance.

The essay is judged based on the following


o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
o Reason for studying in Korea
o Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.


My career path has always been unknown until my first year of college when I worked part-time as a teaching assistant. Part of my job then was having to substitute the professor I worked for since she could not make it to the class that day. As I tutored from start to finish, I was fascinated by how encouraging the students to learn and grow in their careers gave me a sense of fulfillment. For this reason, lecturing made me realize that teaching is my passion in life.

To accomplish my goal as an educator, I have to continue my studies to hone my knowledge and skills related to my field. Thus, after graduating with a degree in Information Systems, I decided to further my education abroad. Although obtaining my master's and doctoral degrees overseas is not necessary, I acknowledge that studying abroad provides much more than my home country could offer. For instance, getting an education from another country promotes a different way of learning and teaching, as well as a higher level of adaptability and language skills.

Although I have applied to numerous universities in many different countries, I am especially interested in studying in Korea because they provide high-quality education. Moreover, Korea is known for its expertise in information technology, which is beneficial for me since I am planning to hone my career in either accounting or management information systems. Finally, Korea offers employment opportunities that will help me apply what I have learned.

As an Information Systems graduate, I am longing for a master's study in the same or a remotely similar major at universities that are well known for its high-quality education systems. I believe that by doing this, it will make a difference in my life by helping me continue my journey towards academic excellence. As a result, I may shape my plans by earning a proper education, and in turn, provide the highest quality of teaching possible.

I have always been passionate about helping other people grow as they advance in their careers. However, I cannot thrive in my profession without pursuing further education. Because of this, continuing my studies abroad in South Korea will shape my future academically and personally, in hopes to become the professor I aspire to be.
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