Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2, CHANGE APPEARANCE IS POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT? [3]

Here is the question, can someone feedback my essay below, need quick improvement! My test is due next week! Thanks guys
Nowadays, people change their appearance by dying hair, buying fashionable clothes, wearing make-ups and even undergoing plastic surgery.

What are the reasons?

Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Many people now place more importance on their appearances by coloring their hair, being fashionable, wearing make-up and even undergoing plastic surgery. This is down to the influences of the media and advertisement. In my view, this is a negative development.

One of the factors influencing people to change their appearance is celebrity. People adore some famous personalities and thanks to the proliferation of internet, it makes even easier for people to access information about famous artist. They mostly have colored hair, put a heavy make-up and wear expensive clothes. Some celebrities, such as Korean, even undergo plastic surgery to gain more popularity. People as their fans want to look like them and therefore they follow their footsteps. Another impacting factor is advertisement. People are bombarded with many advertisements of cosmetic, fashion, and make up. This is unconsciously setting up a standard of beauty in their mind. As a result, they buy products to become the image of endorser in the ads.

However, this is clearly a negative development. The image of beauty should not be influence by outside factor. All women are gorgeous as they already are with their natural hair color and without heavy make up. In Indonesia, a woman wearing a traditional costume with simple make up and black hair is considered as a natural beauty. Additionally, frequent heavy make-up could lead into various skin problems, namely pimple and skins breakout. Furthermore, plastic surgery needs a costly maintenance. If people could not afford it, then they will borrow some money and they could run up a debt.

In conclusion, media reporting celebrities and advertisement are the reasons people change their look. However, make-up and plastic surgery potentially bring about many problems to many problems for this to be considered as positive development.