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[IELTS Writing task 1] BAR CHART: the annual pay for doctors and other workers in seven countries


phuonglinhvuive 1 / 1 1  
Dec 11, 2020   #1

salary for specialists in different countries



Please give me some advice for my essay, thank you in advance.
The bar charts illustrate the annual income earned by doctors and other workers from seven countries in the year of 2014. The units are measured in thousands of US dollars.

Overall, the income of doctors and other workers in the US are highest among 7 countries. The country in which doctors and others generated the lowest amount of money was Italy.

Looking at the chart in more detail, the US stood at the highest position in terms of the amount of money paid for doctors and other occupations, at 120 and around 45, respectively. Regarding Switzerland, the salaries of doctors ranked second, at approximately 70, about 30 higher than the figure for other workers. As for France, the income that doctors earned more than doubled that of other workers, 75 for the former and 30 for the latter.

Concerning Italy, the annual income of doctors (60) was three times as much as that of other workers. In Finland, other workers earned higher income compared to those of Italy, however it was merely half of the payments for doctors of that country. Czech Republic also saw a significant gap between the amount of money doctors and others generate yearly, which is exactly 20 and roughly 62 respectively. The other occupations in Germany share the same salary received per annum with those in Czech Republic, while German doctors, standing at approximately 62, are three times as much as the figure for other jobs.
xl98758 1 / 5  
Dec 11, 2020   #2
In my opinion, your post has a few minor grammatical errors:
-In the second sentence of the article you should delete the word and that will become "in the year 2014"
- 'between the amount of money doctors "into" between the number of money doctors "
- And the last one is "the Czech Republic '"
coelgrim 1 / 2  
Dec 11, 2020   #3
@phuonglinhvuive
I think "looking at the chart in more detail" is memorized phrase, u shouldnot use it
Callipyge 2 / 6 2  
Dec 11, 2020   #4
Hi! Advice I would give is maybe to clarify "doctors and other workers". Other specialized workers? Other medical workers? Specialized doctors? Maybe it's clarified with the graph, but it was a bit confusing for me.

Also, it's typical to spell out numbers lower than ten, and represent the numerals for higher numbers such as 11. Some places only start using numerals as 20. I think the rules vary, but whatever rule you pick you should stick with. I see at one point you said "7 countries" and then later "three times more likely". I would change the 7 to a seven.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
Dec 12, 2020   #5
The summary overview is incomplete. You twice mentioned several cpunyries, but only mwntioned 2 in the summary. A comprehensive summary would have listed the 7 countries completely to assist in thw trending statement presentation.

As you forgot to include the actual image, the conyributor review of your work cannot be completed. The image is necessary for my analysis of the accuracy of your report and spotting areas for improvement in your presentation.

Was there a financial representation involved? What were the numerical figures for salary costs? How were these digures arrived at? What was it based on? The information you presented comes across as incomplete to me. Again, having the image on hand would have helped in this case.


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing task 1] BAR CHART: the annual pay for doctors and other workers in seven countries
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