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Posts by kaching00 [Suspended]
Name: M Hasin
Joined: Dec 27, 2020
Last Post: Jan 7, 2022
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: Bangladesh

Displayed posts: 6
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kaching00   
Jan 7, 2022
Writing Feedback / Some people think young people are not ready for crucial positions in the government... [3]

While the points you make are quite good, I believe it can be presented in a better way. At times it felt you are using 'difficult' words, when your sentence structures don't really match up to that. Be consistent, it's completely fine to use simple langauge to get your point across. You also should utilise another paragraph to discuss the disadvangtes, your opinion could've been stated in the conclusion instead.

As a whole piece of writing, it's good but you can definitely improve it in terms of readibility more.
kaching00   
Dec 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / [ Task 2 - Discussion ] take a job before university [3]

The introduction could have a bit more work done on it. For example, the sentences are too long and wordy. Introduce the discussion about advantages and disadvantages first before giving your stance on the topic.

The number of advantages you list can be divided into two paragraphs, where you can develop them coherently better, like the point about students finding their passion through work experience cold have it's own explanation in a separate paragraph.

The disadvantage paragraph seems quite disconnected from the earlier paragraph as in there is little link between them.

The conclusion also became quite farfetched with the 'can ruin their whole life' line because you did not indicate any such ideas in the previous paragraphs.
kaching00   
Dec 17, 2021
Letters / Motivation letter for CSE program: "Why are you a suitable candidate?" Why CSE and what next? [3]

Motivation letter for CSE



Dear Sir/Madam,,

My name is [name] and my aspiration to work with softwares and machine learning has led me to seek admission to the undergraduate program at XYZ in CSE.

Growing up around the emerging technologies around me, I developed an eagerness to explore the science of computers - both softwares and hardwares - and how they worked. However what truly drew me to programming wasn't just an intriguing nature; it was the striking similarity that coding held with painting. In the code compilers, I found a blank canvas to put strokes and lines of code. In programming, I found the same satisfaction accrued from creating value like I did in art.

Studying mathematics in GCE A levels, I have learned the concepts used in programming. I then supplemented my knowledge with further reading. While Cory Althoff's 'The Self-Taught Programmer' laid a foundation for coding, 'Algorithms to Live' by Brian Christian and Tom Griffiths emphasised the practical applications of computing in a social context. This deepened my interest in computer science. I have taken further these areas of importance, through online mooc courses such as Harvard's CS50 : Introduction to Computer Science.

While all these helped me improve my dexterity in programming, I developed my leadership, communication and team-oriented skills through volunteering. As a graphic designer in several non-profit youth led organisations, I have led the creative aspects of many projects, and gained invaluable insights while with others. For instance, I can express my thoughts to a wide variety of audience, similarity I'm an active listener and a keen team player. I had to be able to communicate with prospective collaborators, students and sponsors during project discussions. This also led me to design my first book cover in collaboration with Goethe-Institut.

In regards to studying at XYZ, I seek to combine all the knowledge I have gathered over the years and try to deepen my understanding of computer science and engineering. Alongside providing a strong foundation in computer science, XYZ will allow me to explore a culturally rich community. With almost 117 nationalities making up the student body, I will be exposed to a diverse and multidimensional learning environment. Courses, for instance, Computer Aided Mathematics and Machine Learning In Practice, will provide me with a fundamental understanding of the algorithms and 3D Modelling and Printing will help me understand prototyping product permutations. XYZ's strengths in research, coupled with its academic rigour and diversity, makes it the perfect place for me.

Programming is where I get to explore both being an engineer and an artist. There's an incredible, rigorous, technical element to it, which I like because you have to do very precise thinking. On the other hand, it has a wildly creative side where the boundaries of imagination are the only limitation.

I intend to hone my problem solving skills, gain insightful experience and use my knowledge acquired through this program to solve the existing problems with the help of AI in my country. As [my country's name] is investing more in digital development, this program will prepare me to contribute to the growing sphere of technology here. Through my learning experience I have realised computer science can be challenging: nevertheless once given the chance, I know I have the motivation and capacity to succeed in this rewarding vocation.

Kind regards.

Please let me know if the flow is good/where it can be improved. Does it answer why I want to study cse, why I chose the university, and what will I do with my education afterwards? Does it paint the picture of a suitable candidate? All the insights are very appreciated. Thank you for helping me out!
kaching00   
Dec 17, 2021
Writing Feedback / How the Internet affect one's critical thinking? [4]

If this is for IELTS writing task 2, then it's under the word count. Please make sure you exceed the word count provided otherwise it can cost you points.

While the point made is reasonable, the sentences tend to be quite long. Please make sure to vary your sentence lengths throughout the essay. Your work has good clarification and reflects your stand on the provided prompt quite well. However you can improve more on the clarity though, by using proper vocabularies in the given contexts. There are some grammatical errors such as, 'some of the information they posted in public may be exaggerated the details of which is not true', should be 'some of the information they post in public may have exaggerated details which are not true'. Another one is 'we cannot avoid to get influences from others', which should be 'we cannot avoid to get influenced by others'.

Other than that, it's a good piece of writing for me.
kaching00   
Dec 17, 2021
Writing Feedback / Two graphs: the number of train riders and the proportion of trains that run on time to the target [3]

While the 'overall' part is fine enough on it's own, the first graph seems to have more accurately fluctuated throughout the years rather than being relatively stable. You also missed out on the point that 45million is the highest number of passengers reached throughtout the provided period. You also failed to mention the standard percentage the second graph has been using. 'remain steady' might be an overused term, you can use 'plateaued' instead to boost your band in the range of vocabulary quota. Same goes for 'it is clear', a 'as is evident from the graphs' would earn you a better band. Other than that, you have written an overall good report.
kaching00   
Dec 27, 2020
Scholarship / Scholarship essay open topic for engineering - Puzzle Pieces [2]

hello! this essay is for a HK uni that I really want to get into so any insight on whether the flow is right or where i can add more information is valuable. Please help a fellow mate out.

useful information which supports your application



Please provide below any useful information which supports your application for an entry scholarship from ****. This application for entry scholarship will not be processed if you do not enter anything below before you submit your application.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

It's been five and a half hours already. The soreness in my wrists and throbbing pain in the neck can sometimes be a better indicator of the time. I continue scuffing my stylus on the worn-out drawing tablet. Despite scratches embellishing on every centimetre of the tablet, it works just as good. Turning the brush down's opacity, I add the last bits of shadows underneath the hair, a touch of white to make the eyes glimmer better and a handful of strokes on the earring to make the metal shinier. I zoom out the canvas to take a last quick look at the painting before frustration takes over and I set to fix all the details that are only somehow visible to my eyes - five times have been enough. As I try to turn my head, I am reminded again of the stiffness in my neck. Maybe next time take a more extended deadline.

Doing portrait commissions isn't always fun and games, especially on a tight schedule. Still, it pays more, and even if my parents continually tell me to focus on my studies, appreciation is evident in their eyes.

However, the real incentive is just not being able to help. When I push myself away to look at the hours worth fusion of strokes of paint and CTRL-Z, I find the painting staring back at me like a real entity - no longer just an idea existing in my mind. It's this fascinating feeling of being able to create that makes me want to sit back on the chair and dive into that five and a half hours again.

With my life being compartmentalised for the better part of it, there was little time for anything else than school, grades, home; rinse and repeat. Information being memorised only to be forgotten after dumping all of it in the exam; my mid-tier school was monotonous at best.

Art had been my only scope at exploration. It granted me the ability to turn the blank canvas into a gateway of my ideas to the world. I fell in love with creating, be it with pencils and paints or clays or cardboard.

Alongside discovering and mixing new pigments and working on composition and technique, I learned one crucial thing was dismantling a complex structure to its fundamental shapes. The apples to the human skull were just circles and lines in different shapes and sizes, put together in specific or intricate patterns. Stripping to its last line was a process but watching all the pieces come together when drawing the object from scratch - like a jigsaw puzzle - is where the magical touch lay. The brushes and pencils felt like a wand, art - a giddy spell. The Harry Potter world? I lived there.

The trick was to picture an object as a fusion of its array of components. It made the process of fixing the drawing much more manageable. Does the sketch of the hand look stiff? You don't have to erase the entire thing to repeat the picture; you can quickly figure out it is due to the lines making up the fingers are too straight and parallel.

Seeing how understanding the process not only made the difficult postures and complicated vases a lot less intimidating and undoable, but it also sparked my curiosity to a different extent. The understanding was a tool; it was the shovel for digging up the answers to how and why. Understanding how and why made me feel empowered.

In the ensuing years, my curiosity transcended from paper to actual objects. From toys to remotes, I would dissect each of them - much to mum's dismay - like a surgeon to discover what wonder lies inside those plastic barriers. But the real fascination always struck while putting them back together, like a puzzle piece (albeit sometimes unsuccessfully). It bloomed a sense of awe - just like after creating a painting - to be able to reassemble all the keys, pins, and dampers correctly into my toy piano and watch it work just fine. Understanding the process was just not a tool; it was a communication method; it was progress.

In school, I applied the same principles to learning difficult concepts. Mathematics was alright before, but when the abstruse equations are seen as mere puzzle pieces to find the answer, the picture, the huge question marks in your head shrinks down to exclamation marks of joy. For every right variable put into the equation, you unlock a more significant part of the puzzle - the answer - and another hit of dopamine stimulates your brain. The end goal ends up just not seeking the solution but enjoying the process as well.

My intrinsic curiosity helped solve problems too. With the knowledge of the mechanism of my mechanical pencil (having deconstructed it numerous times already), I quickly found out why the lead was not coming out. The dispenser was stuck to the ring, stopping the dispenser from opening up to let the lead out. I attached the dispenser back to the clutch below it: I still use the pencil to this day. It was nice to save a few bucks on a new pencil, but it was far more incredible to be able to fix it on my own. The fifth-grader me became a problem solver; I became an engineer.

While working for the campaigns and social media posts of my non-profit organisations, my theory helps me create emotion-provoking illustrations and posters to grab the reader's attention. With our community not being particularly welcoming to the LGBTQ community, we had to be discreet about showing support on Pride Month. So when given the task of creating a template subtle enough to be overlooked by the general public but the message prominent to those intended, I kind of hit a dead end. I started to view the components required in the template as puzzle pieces, and find an alternative. The bold "Pride Month" head changed to a warm "Love is Love", and instead of incorporating the pride flag, I included people of different race and genders, wearing clothes and standing in such an order that it resembled the pattern of the pride flag colours. The head of the creative department had been ecstatic with the result, and I had been happy to design a solution to a problem.

After reading The design of everyday things by Don Norman, I promptly aspired to become a design engineer. As one, I planned to make products more efficient and interactive. My interests slightly changed after studying thermodynamics in GCE A Levels. The plan is still designing, but not just products in general but more efficient and sustainable combustion and propulsion systems. I took a more in-depth online course on Intro to thermodynamics where I learned about Carnot Efficiency (the maximum efficiency a heat engine can reach) and realised how much more we have to push to reach the limit. Energy consumption is only predicted to increase tenfold in the upcoming years, and we need sustainable systems and engines to keep up with the demands. More puzzle pieces are left to find to build the steps towards this goal, and the university serves as the supplement of these missing pieces.

Art and engineering have helped me find myself in the creative pool of problem-solving. It has helped me find a genuine sense of purpose, a feasible means of profoundly influencing our world and the quality of life.
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