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Posts by khoadowrite
Name: Đỗ Nguyễn Đăng Khoa
Joined: Jan 2, 2021
Last Post: Jan 3, 2021
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

From: Việt Nam

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khoadowrite   
Jan 3, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2, TOPIC: IMPACT OF PRIVATE CARS AND SOLUTIONS [5]

Besides good comments from Holt and tuyentruong, I would like to add in the fact that the Lexical Resource of this essay appears to be insufficient for a band 7 standard. More collocations are needed, some of which include "gridlocked traffic" or "for daily commute" (as the topic is about vehicles.)
khoadowrite   
Jan 3, 2021
Writing Feedback / CPE PART 1 QUESTION - ESSAY ABOUT INDIVIDUALITY VERSUS MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING [2]

summarising and evaluating the key points from text provided



Please find attached the photo for the Task Question.

Opinions greatly differ as to whether people should conform to or ignore socially accepted codes of etiquette. From a relatively collectivistic perspective, a societal edifice is comprised of individual bricks inexorably bound up to one another, and mutual understanding, especially among generations, is what cements the structure. Taking from a more polarized individualistic stance, however, some others are opposed to this idea, claiming that individuality is what a decent society should respect.

Advocates of a highly independent, deliberately-ignorant-of-others way of life believe that caring too much about others' points of view is a potential hindrance to one person's zeal and creativity. An individual is mentally healthier, or so they thought, if they are able to resist social norms. However, this idea is flawed as it fails to take into account the very fact that we are not living separately in detached areas; together we build up a society in which every single act of ours has a casual link to one another. A selfish act of violating social distancing laws by strolling around in public places when the COVID-19 pandemic is still terrorizing every single entity on Earth is never a sign of positive individuality; it is a selfish, diabolical act that causes great sufferings to others.

Instead, mutual understanding is what it takes for individuals to develop as a whole. Generational gap has been cited as one of the most significant concerns. Older people complain about young people paying too much attention to electronic devices, whereas we can also hear the young decrying their parents and grandparents for not spending enough time learning how to use those gadgets. Such trivial conflicts would be resolved if the older people put their prejudices aside to get to know the significance and the convenience of the devices, and vice versa, young people were able to know that their parents and grandparents were technological immigrants, and it takes time for them to get the hang of the basic functions of smartphones.

In conclusion, a desirable society is one in which mutual understanding is cherished and individuality has yet to become selfishness.



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