Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Pocket Friend
Name: Megan
Joined: Mar 21, 2021
Last Post: Mar 22, 2021
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: United States of America
School: Aldo

Displayed posts: 4
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Pocket Friend   
Mar 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / Personal Essay: History - a concept, theory, or topic you have explored. [2]

Prompt:
Tell us about a concept, theory, or topic you have explored simply because it sparked your intellectual curiosity.

Why do you find it intriguing? How do you want to explore it further?



Max word count allowed: 200

History is a wealth of knowledge I have often pursued out of curiosity, especially women's rights and positions throughout time. Stories we are told today are often from the male perspective: women are rarely the focus, especially if the story is not a romance. Today's stereotype of women in history shows a weak character; dependent on their male family members. This caused me to question if there were women who managed to draw control and agency into their personal lives even in a world against them. I have an interest in becoming an historical fiction writer, and as a young woman myself I have managed to find inspiration from women who accomplished much throughout their lives without the help of a man. Criminals such as Mary Read and Anne Bonny may not be good role models, but they fought for their position and became successful. Other women, such as Margaret Beaufort or Lucrezia Tornabuoni, may have at first gained their power through their familial relations, but they became influential in their own right. European women have been my main focus but I would like to explore the lives of women from other cultures: strong women come from everywhere.
Pocket Friend   
Mar 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / Discuss both views: joining university or leave school to get a job [4]

which is significantly necessary for their later job / This part is awkward, how about "which is almost always necessary for their later job"
This essay has a very friendly and informal tone. If this was your goal don't change anything, however, if you want it to be more formal I would suggest getting rid of words such as "besides", "youngsters", and "boring theories".

As a final note, ... It is still your choice, follow ... / This sentence does not provide an impactful end to your writing. I would suggest you restate your position (whether college or a job is better).

Additionally, due to an early approach to ... / I would suggest with statements such as this you get statistics or evidence to back up your claim, instead of just a generalization.
Pocket Friend   
Mar 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / Going to school or homeschooling [5]

If this is not a personal essay (and it appears not to be) you should stay away from the use of first person as much as possible. (I, me, we) This gives the impression to the reader of a more unbiased view point. I would also suggest having a more concrete position on the subject. I usually state my position in the thesis, write about the advantages of either position (not both), and then make one paragraph your counterpoint. In the counterpoint paragraph you should bring up one or two reasons why you could be wrong, and then refute them as best you can. I really hope this helps!
Pocket Friend   
Mar 21, 2021
Undergraduate / First time I wrote an essay - Questbridge: An experience that caused you to change your perspective [2]

200 max word count allowed.

my scores, my identity



My world collapsed the first time I wrote an essay for high school English. It was returned to me with a failing grade. Ever since elementary school my class work was used as an example, my standardized test scores were to be admired, and over the years this became my identity. I may never have been the most popular or wealthy, but at least I was good at school. Looking back, I understand I suffered from incredibly low self-esteem. An A became just another expectation met, a B a crushing blow. When I failed that essay, I was at a complete loss of who I was. It caused me to look for answers, and I soon realized that I am not always the smartest person in the room, but I also don't have to be. The grade on my paper made me realize that I graded myself; my success and value as a person, on a grading scale made by someone else. The next time I wrote an essay I got a B. And this time I was overjoyed. Not because I was perfect, but because I now know I don't have to be.

Please check grammar and structure, also is the topic too "poor me"? I still want to convey that I'm a high achiever.
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