Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Posts by sb1092
Joined: Oct 28, 2009
Last Post: Oct 28, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / University of Michigan - Nursing essay [2]

Proofread please!
And have I answered the prompt completely?

School of Nursing: Describe why you want to be a nurse. Include your specific experiences and abilities related to health care that will make you a good candidate for the nursing profession. Also describe your understanding of nursing's role in health care and how you see yourself embodying these roles.

At precisely eight o'clock on a Saturday morning, I walked apprehensively through revolving doors to commence my first career-related volunteering experience. The silence outside was immediately replaced by stimulation throughout the bustling hallways, with doctors and nurses exchanging anxious looks and walking authoritatively from room to room. As I stepped out of the elevator on to the second floor, I found myself surprisingly compelled toward the distant wailing of the newborn babies in the nursery. I walked toward the source of noise and watched in awe as a nurse comforted a restless baby girl. Almost as if commanded, the infant's cries ceased and her eyes gently shut. Week after week, as I folded linens and assembled cribs, I observed the confidence, respect, and satisfaction that all nurses seemed to possess and perform their jobs with; my fascination with nursing amplified into a desired career.

The weeks transitioned into almost three years of assisting the Mother/Baby ward, when I realized that nursing is the ideal profession for me. Being the backbone of healthcare, nurses are credited with patience, outstanding communication skills, intelligence, and above all, teamwork. Their support in patient care and medical procedures keeps hospitals and medical practices operating. With the shortage of nurses expected in the future, Americans depend on a new generation of efficient and determined nurses to continue upholding their well-being.

After gaining sufficient experience working with various groups and teams, I believe I am a perfect fit into the new core of healthcare. Throughout my life, I have been fortunate to receive the best care and devotion from committed nurses, which I hope to reciprocate to individuals with an impact as was bestowed upon me.
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay--"A Dramatic Turn of Events" [4]

Pretty good, but you might want to watch the humor. It's coming off as sarcastic. That might also lessen the length. And perhaps delete the paragraph how you said you didn't want to do drama.

In the summer after 7th grade, I had an epiphany. Actually, the moment wasn't really as simple as sitting in a bathtub and immediately realizing the intimate workings of the universe (Eureka!).

During that school year, I was placed in an eighth grade Algebra class because of some freak accident in the scheduling (or maybe the guidance counselors simply had an evil grudge against me) .

So I was left with no other option but the class at the bottom of the list... Theatre Arts. Wonderful.

I wasn't effortlessly expressive and charismatic-I couldn't even be a convincing liar (which my parents probably appreciated)!
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "Raised in a privileged community" - University of Michigan - Diversity essay [4]

Please proofread and give me suggestions on how to make this better. I'm not confident with the last paragraph, so please help me out with an appropriate way to end the essay.

"We know that diversity makes us a better university -- better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

His bare feet were cracked and swollen, having never worn any form of footwear in his life. His oversized clothes were nearly dilapidated, having only two other outfits to be alternated with. Yet his smile was probably the most extravagant I have ever seen, dissolving every burden that he has ever faced. This boy was one of many gratified municipal school children attending art classes held by Akanksha, an Indian organization committed to unveiling potential of underprivileged children through education. During the summer of 2006, I was fortunate to travel to India and assist my cousin in teaching art classes, expanding my awareness of the world's social diversities.

Raised in a privileged community, I had never witnessed poverty until I walked through the streets of India, where children barely old enough to talk were suffering from starvation. When I attended my first art class with my cousin, I was astounded by the differing appearances between my peers back home and the adolescents in front of me. Despite their economic and physical circumstances, these students could not have been more ecstatic to be presented with an opportunity to develop their potential and find their place in society.

After encountering this eye-opening event, I realized that I could not continue ignoring the lives outside of those in Troy, Michigan, and I decided to return the privileges given to me. Volunteering allows me to feel satisfied with positively impacting someone's life, from participating in canned food drives to tutoring children. At the University of Michigan I hope to pursue volunteerism and diffuse awareness of less fortunate societies, resulting in an enthusiastic smile on every child's face.