/ UF Application Essay-8th gradefailure turns into high school academic excellence
"First Honors! I finally have First Honors!"
This statement of what you said seems kinda unnatural. To me it just made me think whether you actually said that or not or just made it up.
Seeing their ecstatic faces made me realize I wanted to experience their excitement
This sentence seems to literal and straightfoward you just state what you feel, maybe take a metaphorical approach. Try to use a different word than wanted.
Maybe... As I saw the ecstatic faces walk across the stage, I realized my aspiration to achieve.
With your sentence the way you have it, it makes it seem like you just want to achieve for the happiness, I think this way it shows how you have the desire to achieve.
I wanted to achieve Honors and be recognized for my hard work; I wanted to excel academically.
-you should use something other then wanted, this sentence is cliche the way you wrote it, make it something different. Use your senses in your writing.
At that moment, I set a goal for high school: to work relentlessly hard (different word then hard) in my academics and one day hold the title of First Honors Student (Not needed -to my name).
Moving onto high school in a new state (I moved from New Jersey to Florida) allowed me to start anew and focus on the goal I had set for myself.
(I moved from New Jersey to Florida) is not necessary, slows down the essay, "a new" space. Use thesaurus! for focus, and goal
Come Junior year, I prepared myself for an academically challenging year
- too informal for me, sounds like a flufff sentence. maybe include example fo preperation, maybe show how you studied and did hw when friends went out, how you didnt procrastinate (haha i dont think any student can not, well not me Haha :))
ising Seniors had bombarded me with horror stories about Junior year being the most academically difficult. I entered Junior year with a bit of dread and fear, but overall a sense of anticipation. Would this be the year I finally accomplished my goal?
had is not needed, use different word with horror. when you say junior year it sounds sounds like you dont like school. but overall sense of anticipation sounds fluffyyy.. maybe would this be the year my goal is accomplished?
you say i i i i i i many lines.
use something else.