DarkAngelAiza
Nov 26, 2007
Undergraduate / My Personal Statement - "Describe the world you come from" [4]
Thanksa lot! You helped me a lot! ^^
Thanksa lot! You helped me a lot! ^^
DarkAngelAiza
Nov 19, 2007
Undergraduate / 'my mother, my father and my sister' - Your family, community or school [2]
Hi
I need help trying to improve my essay.
Prompt:
Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
There are many people who shape the lives of others like a sculptor does with clay. The sculptor uses his fingers to mold and shape the clay into a work of art. In many ways people are like art, all extraordinary and singular and viewed in different sorts of ways. We are shaped by experience and the world around us. But we are mostly shaped by the people we live with, our family.
My family is relatively a small one consisting of my mother, my father and my sister. My mother is the strongest one of all. She is very independent, friendly and vivacious. She would always talk to people who she did not know and would make friends easily. She was always determined to get what my sister and I wanted no matter what the cost. If it was something we truly wanted, my mother would find a way to make it ours. She has always been selfless, caring more about my sister and me than she did about herself. She never cared when people stared at her and always told me not to care either. Sometimes she would act like my friend, it was in those times I forgot she was mother. My mother loves Europe and would travel the world if she had money. I learned many things from my mother, some of which she did not teach me. I learned to stand up for myself even when its hard to, to think of others first, to think before speaking, to always plan things for yourself because no one is going to do it for you, to be self disciplined because my mother would not always be there to guide me and to work for what you want because it is hard to be happy with a job you do not like.
Another member of my family but an important one is my father. My father is very quiet and very much like a bee occupied in work. My father has always mystified in a way that I would rarely speak with him. My father had once had an artistic talent at least according to him. My parents thought I had an artistic talent, a talent which I use rarely except when inspired. My father is also very intelligent; math had always been his forte much like it is mine. My father liked to read my mother does too but it was mostly my father who I saw as a reader. Sometimes we would even read the same books but those times were a rare exception. My father cared less for what he wore, something my mother always criticized him for. My father wanted to be a lawyer but never could be one and like many father he tried to pass on the dream to me. He was always accepting of my decisions like my decision not to pursue law. In many ways I am like my father and I have learned much from him. I have learned not to care what others think about me something that has paid off in my drama class, to work hard for those you care about and to not be afraid to dream big.
Probably one of the most important people in my life is my sister. My sister is much like me but there are those key differences. She is more like my mother like I am more like my father. She cares to look presentable and is not afraid to declare what she dislikes. She was always more friendly than I was and more creative. She could think up of millions of ideas and names in a day. She is not afraid to say what she thinks. She is more blunt and honest than she knows. She is more resentful while I was more forgiving. We were not completely inseparable but very familiar. She knew me better than anyone else much like I knew her. She was someone I could confide in knowing my secrets were safe. She was dependable and I always felt awful whenever I let her down. I learned to be a better person from her, to support those who care for you, to follow your dreams no matter how big they are and to be the person that you no matter what others say about you.
I have learned much from my family. Without them I would not be the person I am today. Without them to help me I would not have the courage to be myself and to follow my dreams no matter how impossible they seem.
Hi
I need help trying to improve my essay.
Prompt:
Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
There are many people who shape the lives of others like a sculptor does with clay. The sculptor uses his fingers to mold and shape the clay into a work of art. In many ways people are like art, all extraordinary and singular and viewed in different sorts of ways. We are shaped by experience and the world around us. But we are mostly shaped by the people we live with, our family.
My family is relatively a small one consisting of my mother, my father and my sister. My mother is the strongest one of all. She is very independent, friendly and vivacious. She would always talk to people who she did not know and would make friends easily. She was always determined to get what my sister and I wanted no matter what the cost. If it was something we truly wanted, my mother would find a way to make it ours. She has always been selfless, caring more about my sister and me than she did about herself. She never cared when people stared at her and always told me not to care either. Sometimes she would act like my friend, it was in those times I forgot she was mother. My mother loves Europe and would travel the world if she had money. I learned many things from my mother, some of which she did not teach me. I learned to stand up for myself even when its hard to, to think of others first, to think before speaking, to always plan things for yourself because no one is going to do it for you, to be self disciplined because my mother would not always be there to guide me and to work for what you want because it is hard to be happy with a job you do not like.
Another member of my family but an important one is my father. My father is very quiet and very much like a bee occupied in work. My father has always mystified in a way that I would rarely speak with him. My father had once had an artistic talent at least according to him. My parents thought I had an artistic talent, a talent which I use rarely except when inspired. My father is also very intelligent; math had always been his forte much like it is mine. My father liked to read my mother does too but it was mostly my father who I saw as a reader. Sometimes we would even read the same books but those times were a rare exception. My father cared less for what he wore, something my mother always criticized him for. My father wanted to be a lawyer but never could be one and like many father he tried to pass on the dream to me. He was always accepting of my decisions like my decision not to pursue law. In many ways I am like my father and I have learned much from him. I have learned not to care what others think about me something that has paid off in my drama class, to work hard for those you care about and to not be afraid to dream big.
Probably one of the most important people in my life is my sister. My sister is much like me but there are those key differences. She is more like my mother like I am more like my father. She cares to look presentable and is not afraid to declare what she dislikes. She was always more friendly than I was and more creative. She could think up of millions of ideas and names in a day. She is not afraid to say what she thinks. She is more blunt and honest than she knows. She is more resentful while I was more forgiving. We were not completely inseparable but very familiar. She knew me better than anyone else much like I knew her. She was someone I could confide in knowing my secrets were safe. She was dependable and I always felt awful whenever I let her down. I learned to be a better person from her, to support those who care for you, to follow your dreams no matter how big they are and to be the person that you no matter what others say about you.
I have learned much from my family. Without them I would not be the person I am today. Without them to help me I would not have the courage to be myself and to follow my dreams no matter how impossible they seem.
DarkAngelAiza
Nov 18, 2007
Undergraduate / My Personal Statement - "Describe the world you come from" [4]
Hiya
can someone please read my personal statement and tell me how to improve it?
please and thank you! ^^ I'd greatly appreciate it! XP
Prompt:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
Here's my essay:
Behaviorists believe that environment is all important, the environment that we grow up in defines who we are. If we grow up in a bad environment, it will make us to be awful people. If we grow up in a good environment, we will grow up to be respectable people. Not only does the environment shape who we are but our family does as well.
My family consisted of five people: my mom, my dad, my sister, my uncle and myself. Since my other relatives lived in far away countries, it was just the five of us most of the time. As a result, those 4 other people had a great impact on my dreams, my goals and my personality.
My mother probably had the greatest impact on me. She was born in the year of the dragon, and it suited her. My mother was strong and passionate and would do anything for the people she cared about. She didn't care about what other people thought her. And she sacrificed herself and her happiness to make me and my sister happy. We didn't really have a lot of money growing up so when my mom bought us something really expensive, I knew that she was sacrificing money that she could have used for herself but spend it on us in order to make us happy. These sort of selfless actions inspired me to get good grades so I could get a high paying job and buy my parents the dream house they always wanted. She also made me want to stick up for myself and be more assertive so that no one could make me feel inferior and I could be as strong and as fearless as her.
My younger sister probably had the second greatest impact on me. My sister was always smart. She was so smart that she ended up taking AP Calculus as a math class and was in the top 10 percent in our high school. She was also my best friend of all time. My friends are all very different from me and never really had the same interests as me. My sister was into all the same things that I was into and shared the same dreams I had: to become a counseling psychologist and a writer. The fact that my sister wanted to have the same career path as me pushed me into working very hard in high school so I could finally beat her in something and become a counseling psychologist first.
My father impacted me in small ways. My dad was born in the year of the tiger but I always thought that he should have been born in the year of the lion if there was such a year. My dad was lazy sometimes and liked to sleep a lot just like a lion. My dad was never really the head of the family and was almost never around due to work. He always complained about how much he hated his job. His constant complaints made me want to pursue a career path that I liked.
My family shaped my goals so that I wanted could get into a good college, pursue a career path I liked and make a lot of money so I can help out my parents. My family shaped who I am as a person. They shaped me to be a kind, caring, compassionate individual who doesn't care about what other people think and will do anything for those I care about.
Hiya
can someone please read my personal statement and tell me how to improve it?
please and thank you! ^^ I'd greatly appreciate it! XP
Prompt:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
Here's my essay:
Behaviorists believe that environment is all important, the environment that we grow up in defines who we are. If we grow up in a bad environment, it will make us to be awful people. If we grow up in a good environment, we will grow up to be respectable people. Not only does the environment shape who we are but our family does as well.
My family consisted of five people: my mom, my dad, my sister, my uncle and myself. Since my other relatives lived in far away countries, it was just the five of us most of the time. As a result, those 4 other people had a great impact on my dreams, my goals and my personality.
My mother probably had the greatest impact on me. She was born in the year of the dragon, and it suited her. My mother was strong and passionate and would do anything for the people she cared about. She didn't care about what other people thought her. And she sacrificed herself and her happiness to make me and my sister happy. We didn't really have a lot of money growing up so when my mom bought us something really expensive, I knew that she was sacrificing money that she could have used for herself but spend it on us in order to make us happy. These sort of selfless actions inspired me to get good grades so I could get a high paying job and buy my parents the dream house they always wanted. She also made me want to stick up for myself and be more assertive so that no one could make me feel inferior and I could be as strong and as fearless as her.
My younger sister probably had the second greatest impact on me. My sister was always smart. She was so smart that she ended up taking AP Calculus as a math class and was in the top 10 percent in our high school. She was also my best friend of all time. My friends are all very different from me and never really had the same interests as me. My sister was into all the same things that I was into and shared the same dreams I had: to become a counseling psychologist and a writer. The fact that my sister wanted to have the same career path as me pushed me into working very hard in high school so I could finally beat her in something and become a counseling psychologist first.
My father impacted me in small ways. My dad was born in the year of the tiger but I always thought that he should have been born in the year of the lion if there was such a year. My dad was lazy sometimes and liked to sleep a lot just like a lion. My dad was never really the head of the family and was almost never around due to work. He always complained about how much he hated his job. His constant complaints made me want to pursue a career path that I liked.
My family shaped my goals so that I wanted could get into a good college, pursue a career path I liked and make a lot of money so I can help out my parents. My family shaped who I am as a person. They shaped me to be a kind, caring, compassionate individual who doesn't care about what other people think and will do anything for those I care about.
DarkAngelAiza
Nov 18, 2007
Undergraduate / 'Creativity from my heart' - it can't be taken away from me [2]
Hiya, can you please look over my personal statement and tell me how to improve it?
Please and thank you!
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it realte to the person you are?
I did an essay on how creativity is teh personal quality thta is important to me
The things that makes all different from one another are our personalities. Each person has a different personality; therefore they all have different characteristics that define their personalities. Each person has different qualities and characteristics that make them special and unique. However, there is usually one quality or one characteristic that a person considers to be more important than the other. For me, that quality is creativity.
Most people wouldn't really consider creativity to be the quality that is important to them, but to someone like me it is. Ever since I was a child, I was never really good at any particular subject. I was always average on everything. I never had any special talent or quality that I could proudly display to the world. At times, it would make me sad that I didn't have any special quality or talent to be proud of. When I was older, I came to realize that creativity is a quality. Not everyone can be creative. And the thing I liked about creativity was that there was no right or wrong. Anything that you did could be considered creative. Like the way you design your room or posters. Creativity was not abstract and couldn't be taken away by an accident, no matter what it was always there.
My creativity makes me proud because it allows me to turn something plain and ordinary into something exciting and unique. Creativity applies to a great deal of things. Creativity can apply to art, fashion, design and plenty of other things as well. But the kind of creativity that I'm proud to have is the kind that makes a story interesting. Every since I was little child I wanted to a writer. I always wanted to write stories that involved far away lands and extraordinary people. But in order to write an interesting story one has to be creative. One has to be able to use their imagination and creativity and put it all on paper. One has to create something out of nothing. One has to take an idea and develop it so it can be turned into an interesting story. If you think about it, all the great writers must have had creativity otherwise how would they make their stories so interesting?
Creativity is important to me because it's something that I'll always have and like faith, it can't be taken away. Creativity is a quality that comes from the heart and it is something that I will always cherish.
~Risa
Hiya, can you please look over my personal statement and tell me how to improve it?
Please and thank you!
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it realte to the person you are?
I did an essay on how creativity is teh personal quality thta is important to me
The things that makes all different from one another are our personalities. Each person has a different personality; therefore they all have different characteristics that define their personalities. Each person has different qualities and characteristics that make them special and unique. However, there is usually one quality or one characteristic that a person considers to be more important than the other. For me, that quality is creativity.
Most people wouldn't really consider creativity to be the quality that is important to them, but to someone like me it is. Ever since I was a child, I was never really good at any particular subject. I was always average on everything. I never had any special talent or quality that I could proudly display to the world. At times, it would make me sad that I didn't have any special quality or talent to be proud of. When I was older, I came to realize that creativity is a quality. Not everyone can be creative. And the thing I liked about creativity was that there was no right or wrong. Anything that you did could be considered creative. Like the way you design your room or posters. Creativity was not abstract and couldn't be taken away by an accident, no matter what it was always there.
My creativity makes me proud because it allows me to turn something plain and ordinary into something exciting and unique. Creativity applies to a great deal of things. Creativity can apply to art, fashion, design and plenty of other things as well. But the kind of creativity that I'm proud to have is the kind that makes a story interesting. Every since I was little child I wanted to a writer. I always wanted to write stories that involved far away lands and extraordinary people. But in order to write an interesting story one has to be creative. One has to be able to use their imagination and creativity and put it all on paper. One has to create something out of nothing. One has to take an idea and develop it so it can be turned into an interesting story. If you think about it, all the great writers must have had creativity otherwise how would they make their stories so interesting?
Creativity is important to me because it's something that I'll always have and like faith, it can't be taken away. Creativity is a quality that comes from the heart and it is something that I will always cherish.
~Risa
