Posts by JKarma14

JKarma14

Dec 1, 2009

Undergraduate / Life on the Stage- Common App Essay Topic of Choice [3]

Palms sweaty, heart pounding, I prepared to take the stage. I had rehearsed my lines until I was able to recite them as easily as I recite my own name. Practices had been three times a week for the past four months. As the opening night inched closer, practices intensified until they were everyday at a grueling 6 hours ~~at a time~~, but I was ready. My only adversaries were the butterflies churning in my stomach, which I forced myself to ignore, as I took a deep breath and stepped into the spotlight.

I'm sorry I didn't have time to look over the whole thing, but right now, it seems really good. The second paragraph is much smoother than the first.

JKarma14

Nov 28, 2009

Undergraduate / Penn State Application Personal Statement: an adjunct to a vocational school [3]

every revision will help me =)

I think your essay starts off somewhat weak (can't really tell what it is, but the first 2 sentences don't seem right) but the rest of the essay, i believe is very strong. You make very good points.

Also, I looked at the word limit and it says that the limit is 1200 characters, including commas, periods, and spaces. Yours is a little over 1600 characters, so you might want to shorten that.

Other than that I think its very good.

JKarma14

Nov 1, 2009

Undergraduate / Common App Short Essay about Tennis help [4]

Hi there,

I would really appreciate it if someone can check my short essay for the common app. It has to be less than 150 words, which makes it really hard. However, I'm having a lot of trouble with smooth flow and transition of the essay. So can someone look an see if there is anything that I should fix, or that I may have over looked? I am especially worried about the parts where I say "Playing tennis, helped me do this. Playing tennis helped me do that."

Prompt:
Please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer).

One of the best decisions of my life was joining the tennis team in the spring of 2008. This decision literally changed my high school life, and got me where I am today. At first, I had no intention of joining any team in my high school career, because in foresight I didn't see much benefit in it. I couldn't have been more wrong. Playing tennis was how I made many new friends and met the dozens of others I have today through them. Playing tennis was how I realized the benefits and importance of fitness and established a healthy hobby. Most importantly, however, it was through tennis that I gained the self-confidence I have today. Tennis made me realize that I could be more if I wanted; all I had to do was to take the first step.

Current word count: 139