Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or high school record (1200 characters)
I need to take some parts out to fit the limit, structure it a bit better, and make it more concise, but I've been attempting for hours to no avail. I also think the ending flow sounds crappy...if anyones good at conclusions! Thanks for the help! =]
The harsh reality is that most people today approach college as an adjunct to a vocational school. They say, "Give me my degree and let me get a paycheck". I see things much differently. Personally, I believe that I could go anywhere I want to. The Pennsylvania State University intrigues me because of its history, pride, and sense of tradition. I am certainly no Jimmy Stewart in a Frank Capra film, but if I am going to move out of my home and live somewhere for four years, I certainly want to make it worth the trip.
Like many high school seniors, I have been faced with the dilemma of choosing between enjoying my last year of high school and instead trying to ingratiate myself with the power determining acceptance my school of choice. My choice was clear. The past few months have turned my existence into a juggling act. The relentless monotony of high school is a full time effort in itself, but being enrolled in an accelerated Emergency Medical Technician course, attempting the chaotic college application journey, staying involved in school and community, and keeping my friends as well? It has been a nightmare to say the least.
However, even with all the toil, I realize how much my effort will pay off in the future. In a society built out of instant gratification, no one waits for the inexperienced. My independence and will to persevere and adapt under pressure are what will bring me success, especially with a career in nursing, where I will be counted on in the direst situations. I have spent twelve years warming up for this first embark into the reality that really counts. I don't intend to spend the next four sitting on my hands and not being challenged.
every revision will help me =)
I think your essay starts off somewhat weak (can't really tell what it is, but the first 2 sentences don't seem right) but the rest of the essay, i believe is very strong. You make very good points.
Also, I looked at the word limit and it says that the limit is 1200 characters, including commas, periods, and spaces. Yours is a little over 1600 characters, so you might want to shorten that.
Other than that I think its very good.
Well... the career choice at the end needs to be explained some more... you give great details in this essay, and it is truly good writing. But at the end, you say your career choice is clear and then mention a juggling act while leaving the career choice unclear. And I was like, wait a minute, is it a juggling act that is the career choice? Recently, I have actually considered trying to be a professional juggler instead of what I currently do... ha ha, I'll have to learn to juggle.
