Locoluke
Nov 2, 2009
Undergraduate / 'experience in Venice' - An experience that has changed your life [7]
Avoid using passive voice. "In between rustic houses and buildings run narrow waterways which flow to the Grand Canal" is a good example. Instead, phrase it something like, "Narrow waterways run between rustic houses and buildings, flowing down into the Grand Canal."
In addition, like EF_Kevin said, description is good, but this essay is supposed to be about you and how these experiences have affected you.
Avoid using passive voice. "In between rustic houses and buildings run narrow waterways which flow to the Grand Canal" is a good example. Instead, phrase it something like, "Narrow waterways run between rustic houses and buildings, flowing down into the Grand Canal."
In addition, like EF_Kevin said, description is good, but this essay is supposed to be about you and how these experiences have affected you.
