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Posts by windieyaaa
Name: Kim Ji Soo
Joined: Mar 5, 2022
Last Post: Mar 16, 2022
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: Viet Nam
School: Hung Vuong

Displayed posts: 5
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windieyaaa   
Mar 16, 2022
Writing Feedback / Public libraries should be replaced by computer technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [3]

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of time and is not necessary since computer technology is now replacing their function.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



The role of public libraries is downplayed and they are considered not worth spending time on, due to the current development of computer technology. Subjectively, while I admit the benefits brought by computer technology, I do not agree that public libraries should be replaced.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that computer technology offers innovative functions. Firstly, smart devices equipped with these technologies are highly portable, allowing users to carry them anytime and anywhere. My sister, for example, who is a voracious reader, can enjoy her favorite pages wherever she is, even on the move with a palm-sized Kindle. This has saved her a huge amount of time and effort. Secondly, computer technology facilitates reading books when it comes to finding and organizing. For instance, readers could look for a quote in a thousand-page book and add it to their favorite collection in a blink of an eye.

On the other hand, there are some reasons why public libraries cannot be substituted by computer technology. One reason is that public libraries play a vital role as reliable learning sources. In other words, readers at libraries are exposed to authentic and valuable information which benefits their academic purposes and brodens their spectrum of knowledge. In addition, public libraries are places of gatherings to exchange knowledge and passion for reading. Consequently, this will not only help readers widen their social network but also strongly encourage them to read books, thus building a more sustainable and well-educated society.

In conclusion, I believe that people should pay attention to the maintenance of public libraries, regardless of the advancement of computer technology.

(268 words)
windieyaaa   
Mar 16, 2022
Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1: The Percentage of Canadian workforce in five main industries [3]

Hi there, I have a few suggestions for your essay. Hope it helps!

1. It's better to have 2 sentences for the overview to ensure the required minimun length of 150 words. In this case, I suggest stating 2 highest industries in 2 years

2. "... who interested in those fields" => "in those fields" is wordy since you stated the category before.
3. "The number of Canadian that ... => 3 mistakes in this sentence
- Use "percentage" instead of "number" because you are referring to %
- a job, singular noun must have an object before it
- Canadian => Canadians, the correct structure is "The number/percentage/proportion/... + of + plural nouns+..."
windieyaaa   
Mar 16, 2022
Writing Feedback / Is government penalizing people who use their own cars the best way to traffic / pollution problems? [3]

@phanhuusang
I have a few sugestions for your essay. Hope it helps!

- "consequently, positively affect our surroundings..." => this sentence doesn't have subject, which is gramaticallywrong
- "...solutions which do not involve the increase in pertrol" => I think this sentence is not natural, try another way
- rust hours => rush hours
- the "working tools" idea => not persuasive and clear, alo not separate from other ideas. Since most of your ideas are not well developed (just circling on "environmental friendliness"), you may not receive high marks.
windieyaaa   
Mar 5, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Bar chart - Divorces and marriages together with marital status [3]

usa marriages and divorces rates



The first bar chart shows changes in the number of marriages and divorces in the USA while the second bar chart describes the marital status of American adults between 1970 and 2000.

Overall, there were more marriages than divorces during the research period in the top chart. In the bottom chart, most people were married in both years, but the figure for single grown-ups was higher in 2000.

In 1970, 2.5 million and 1 million people were married and divorced, respectively. The number of married people remained stable a decade later before hitting a low of 2 million in 2000. In contrast, the divorce rate peaked in 1980, at roughly 1.5 million but decreased to precisely 1 million in the last year.

The percentage of married adults accounted for 70% in 1970 compared to 60% in 2000. This figure is followed by a group of unmarried people, with 20% in 1970 and around 10% in 2000. As for the widowed and divorced, the proportions remained below 10% in both years.

(170 words)



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