Lemonade312
Apr 19, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 essay about regular physical activity of different age groups with both genders [4]
Merged:
I think it is much better than the last time, but the time for organising still be a problem, as I have missed mentioning both genders have similar levels of physical activity in their oldest group, and the same trends in the middle. Next time I will try to write three sentences in the main paragraph section(paragraphs 3-4).
The bar chart illustrates how physical activity frequencies varies in ages between Austalian males and females in the year 2010.
It is clear that women did more physical exercises as their ages increase, whereas men did most of the physical activity in the youngest group. After men reached thier middle age, their physical activity kept rising as they grow older.
The exercise level for females saw a rising trend from their youngest group to their third oldest group, from 47.7% to 53.3% respectively. After a 0.3% drop in the group aged 55 to 64, females that did physical work-outs fall to the lowest level of 47.1% in the oldest group.
On the other hand, the youngest group of males provided the highest amount of physical exercises been done with about 53%. It then dramatically decrease to the lowest point at the group aged 35 to 44 by 39.5%, while continue to keep exercising and reached the second highest level of physical activity in the oldest group, with 46.7% to be precise.
Merged:
IELTS Task 1 essay Physical activity in Australia in both genders with different age groups
I think it is much better than the last time, but the time for organising still be a problem, as I have missed mentioning both genders have similar levels of physical activity in their oldest group, and the same trends in the middle. Next time I will try to write three sentences in the main paragraph section(paragraphs 3-4).
The bar chart illustrates how physical activity frequencies varies in ages between Austalian males and females in the year 2010.
It is clear that women did more physical exercises as their ages increase, whereas men did most of the physical activity in the youngest group. After men reached thier middle age, their physical activity kept rising as they grow older.
The exercise level for females saw a rising trend from their youngest group to their third oldest group, from 47.7% to 53.3% respectively. After a 0.3% drop in the group aged 55 to 64, females that did physical work-outs fall to the lowest level of 47.1% in the oldest group.
On the other hand, the youngest group of males provided the highest amount of physical exercises been done with about 53%. It then dramatically decrease to the lowest point at the group aged 35 to 44 by 39.5%, while continue to keep exercising and reached the second highest level of physical activity in the oldest group, with 46.7% to be precise.
