Posts by camtu0502 [Suspended]

camtu0502

Jul 12, 2022

Writing Feedback / The most effective ways to deal with environmental problems [4]

In the second paragraph, the discussions provided are not sufficient to illuminate the topic sentence. Besides, the last sentence in this paragraph is rather confusing since it is neither connected to the topic sentence nor concise enough to be understood.

In the third paragraph, supporting points are not arranged logically, which causes repetition: "many people would rather go by their cars..." and "...the large of citizens choose to use their their private cars in daily living".

camtu0502

Jul 11, 2022

Writing Feedback / Question about the benefits of universities. It is a topic for IELTS Writing Task 2. [3]

The third paragraph did not fully answer the second question. In the third paragraph, you only mentioned the benefits for the society, as I inferred from the passage "can help change the society",whereas the second question stated: "FOR BOTH INDIVIDUALS AND SOCIETY". I think you should try to address all the aspects of the questions in order to achieve higher task achievement score.

This is my advice. Hope it can help you.

camtu0502

Jul 6, 2022

Writing Feedback / It is widely believed that it is necessary for high school seniors to have a year-long break [2]

advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

It is widely believed that it is necessary for high school seniors to have a year-long break to travel or work. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages of taking a gap-year and some of the challenges to overcome.

Let's begin by looking at the advantages. There is no doubt that delaying tertiary education for one year enables students to hone practical skills. This is due to the fact that students will have the chance to expose to the alien environment to gain new experiences such as socializing with various people or finding their place in the community. Besides, given that most high schools provide inadequate career guidance, sparing several months looking for job opportunities or attending vocational training courses will empower students to identify a suitable career path. Such experiences would be hardly attainable if high school graduates immediately enroll in university, and become occupied with their intense study schedules.

Turning to the other side of the argument, deferring university enrollment is not without difficulties. A major downside is that gap-year takers may fall behind in their study, which is attributed to long distraction from formal schooling. As a result, this can subject them to peer pressure, as well as gradually drain their self-confidence. Another drawback is that those young people are unlikely to save up much money or cultivate relevant job skills as jobs available to high school leavers are mainly entry-level ones that are neither well-paid nor effective to teach them anything substantive.

All things considered, a gap year can have both advantages and disadvantages. It is my view that individuals know what is best for them to choose the most proper and worthwhile path.

I would be grateful to receive your responses.