Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by durian
Joined: Nov 5, 2009
Last Post: Nov 9, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: India

Displayed posts: 8
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
durian   
Nov 8, 2009
Graduate / Essay on Team-based MBA [5]

Sorry... was out of town and so couldn't reply.

Thank You so much. I'll try to reduce the word count keeping the content. Also, the team members seems fine. Will add that instead.

Thanks again!!
durian   
Nov 5, 2009
Graduate / Tell us something about yourself - Essay [9]

I have tried that...but somehow I have not been able to weave them together. I dont want to post it here, because the essay is a bit personal. Is there any way I can send them to you. Please let me know...
durian   
Nov 5, 2009
Graduate / Essay on Team-based MBA [5]

Thank you so much, I'll take care of them.

Because I am over the word limit, I still think about clubbing the two. What is your take on that??

Can I rework what you suggested as follows (replacing mother with a teammate) -

If my teammate and I are so differnt, being brought up in similar towns, living in same cities, sharing similar culture,and belonging almost to the same agegroup, then I wonder...

Thank you again!!
durian   
Nov 5, 2009
Graduate / Tell us something about yourself - Essay [9]

ESSAY QUESTION 2
Tell us something about yourself that we would not find on your resumé. (Not to exceed 500 words)


I have some queries regarding this essay -
I have 3 things to write

1. My personal upbringing, hardships I had to face while I grew and how thy influenced my personal character n how this will help when I am at school

2. To let them know that I am a painter - Here, I can describe my passion for it

3. To let the school know my Yoga experience

I am confused, which one to write n what not to write. I have a liking for the first one. Is it ok and answers the question or are they expecting some true passion. I am applying for a B school MBA program

Please suggest,
Thank you in advance
durian   
Nov 5, 2009
Graduate / Essay on me being a pilot at the age of 17. Youngest in the country. [6]

I feel the following sentence can be reworked. "after" and "finished", both make things a bit repetative.

After my board exams for class X finished in April my dad and I went to the United states of America.

May be you could try something like this -
After my school boards, I, along with my dad went to the United States of America, [adjective]

use an adjective that talks good things about America related to flying
for eg; they call America, the land of opportunities

use something on those lines, but related to flying. How is America seen in the flying world.

After a few days of visiting several flying schools and having a look at them we finally decided on American Flyers at pompano beach , Florida. Learning to fly in a small four seater cessna aircraft was an amazing experience

"having a look" is not right. You are trying to say, you did a thorough research or you were looking for something that fits your goals and aspirations...

I think you should use something more meaningful word than "look"

I hope this helps
durian   
Nov 5, 2009
Graduate / Pls evaluate SoP for MS in Comp SC [4]

The essay contains a lot of grammatical erros and needs revision, a few errors are mentioned here to give you an idea -

Simple lines of code which created lines and circles fascinated me.

use "that created"

Please rephrase the following - among and top are repeated twice
I completed my Bachelors in July 2006 and was among the top ten among a strength of 50 to top the class.

what is an - "aptitude skill"?? I think 'aptitude' is not a skill...

I think these subjects are mentioned in your transcripts. I dont see why you should repeat.
"Software Engineering, Data structures, Algorithms, Operating Systems, Computer networks and Cryptography were some courses that I took during my undergrad years"

Please remove the redundancy
had the opportunity to do a project on File system Implementation using Extendible Hashing technique

I would suggest you rewrite the whole essay and make it more interesting. You have given a summary of your activities and events... but worked very less on crafting them for "statement of purpose". It is extremely boring!!
durian   
Nov 5, 2009
Graduate / Essay on Team-based MBA [5]

ESSAY QUESTION 1
Please explain why you are applying to a team-based MBA, what you expect to bring to this program, and what you expect the challenges and rewards of this learning model might be. (Not to exceed 500 words)


Ants in a group can be monstrous - remember those red rashes on your hands, tigers hunt for flesh in groups, elephants bathe in groups. They all have chosen the power of unity as the key for survival in the wild. Coming to us humans, can one be called a leader, without a team or a group of people. In other words, a leader is not born in isolation, somewhere in the Himalayas, instead he/she is among us in this very team. The existence of a leader is directly related to the existence of the team.

Knowing that if my career graph has to take that perfect curve I want it to and that leaders are born from teams, I have to first learn to be effective working in diverse teams. I am applying to a team-based MBA also because till now I have been successful working and learning in teams.

Like many of us, I began my career joining a team of software developers and again like many of us, I had to face a tough situation where two of my seniors disliked each other. This was indirectly affecting my work, in that I did not receive proper guidance that was necessary for a new comer. I could not question both of them for such behavior nor could I command them to act in harmony. But I had to find a way if I had to make my 8 hours in office happy and comfortable. Since I easily get along with people, I could talk to them during lunch breaks and then over a period of time of conscious efforts, I was able to break the ice between the two.

In a team, can you perform well when you are feeling out of place, constantly think why did this person say this or that, why am I not given x responsibility and she has been given etc. These are the thoughts that haunted one of my peers when I was asked to step up into the role of a team lead. He simply would not cooperate with the team in anyway. There was another thing that bothered him the most - the fact that I was a girl and was given extra responsibility and he wasn't. I had the perfect there - pressure from my manager for outputs, tight deadlines from my client and no cooperation from my team. This time it was a sensitive issue because I had to deal with the male ego and not just the peer competition. I reasoned that it would be a good learning experience for all of us and thus encouraged each member of the team to take up project management activities, prepare estimates, handle billing issues and thus shared the extra responsibilities of a team lead. This brought us to a common ground and bound us really close. The outcome was fabulous - we became the youngest team to provide maximum number of solutions to the client, on average 30% more. We were recognized for this within the unit. Thus, my ability to understand people, to bring them to a common platform, to think in a win-win angle and be fair in judgment, while constantly trying to improve myself personally and excel in my endeavors, will effortlessly come to the X school's team-based program.

I believe, anything good is always complemented by something bad. Hence, the wonderful team-based learning model should come in a full package with its own set of challenges. Though, my nature lets me seamlessly adjust to the team, at Queen's I believe I will have to face completely different set of challenges. If my mother and I are so different, being in the same country, same house, same atmosphere, then I wonder how diverse the team I will work with at X will be - People from different countries, with different working styles, personalities, cultural biases etc, but with a common team goal. How will you motivate them, how will you tell a senior member within the team that he is not right on some aspect without hurting his ego, how will you deal with bad days without blame game and still learn to have good days. I am excited to know!! I look forward to these challenges that I may face in my near future.

The program will allow me to learn from my diverse classmates, while understanding my personal strengths and weaknesses and building on them. Walking out of the X's MBA program after having successfully married to a diverse team and having shared mixed feelings of joy and sorrow, I will emerge out strong and confident in handling any such team in future. I will win a new family and friends for lifetime, who in future may be my business partners. This is the award I am going to walk away with from this program.

I have a question also -
Since the essay needs to be shortened to 500 words, should I remove the 4th paragraph about male ego? Does it give a negetive impression about me being biased or something like that? I mentioned it because it is very common and prevalant in most parts? If you feel I have to remove, would the following do ie club the 3rd and 4th as

Like many of us, I began my career joining a team of software developers and again like many of us, I had to face a tough situation where two of my seniors disliked each other. This was indirectly affecting my work, in that I did not receive proper guidance that was necessary for a new comer. I could not question both of them for such behavior nor could I command them to act in harmony. But I had to find a way if I had to make my 8 hours in office happy and comfortable. Since I easily get along with people, I could talk to them during lunch breaks and then over a period of time of conscious efforts, I was able to break the ice between the two. Thus, my ability to understand people, to bring them to a common platform, to think in a win-win angle and be fair in judgment, while constantly trying to improve myself personally and excel in my endeavors, will effortlessly come to the X school's team-based program.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳