Undergraduate / "live your life as a work of art" - Common Application [6]

Hey all,

I'd love to get some feedback on my essay (in particular) and short answer for the Common Application. It's due tomorrow, and I'll be staying up as long as necessary in order to fix whatever I have to!

Short Answer: Elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities. (150 words or less)

Total words: Exactly 150 words! ^.^

Friedrich Nietzsche summarized it best when he said to "live your life as a work of art." Well, here is my art.

I live vicariously through my piano. When I feel the melody under my fingers and hear the serene elegance of 19th century romanticists, I'm no longer an introvert - I'm enchanted and alive. Music is truly the quiet man's performance; in a moment, you're mourning a lover, in the next, you're fleeing from the Erlking. You say so much, without ever having to say anything at all.

I've been able to combine my love for music and learning by becoming a volunteer piano teacher. It's been so rewarding to watch my beginner students grow, to see their bewilderment evolve into enjoyment. Teaching has helped to reinvigorate my own musicianship, and that's how it should be - because music is a learning experience I will never give up.

Common Application, Prompt #1: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Total words: 602

This is a completely rough draft. I just wrote for the sake of getting something started, and I'd like to know if it makes any sense, at all. My creative juices are running low! :(

When I was a child, I used to believe that even my most inane ambitions would come true. Of course, this was easy to do when my parents seemed to encourage every goal. I would tell my mum, "I want to become a Disney Princess and live with the woodland creatures," and she would smile proudly in approval. But there's a point when reality smacks you in the face and suddenly, no one is supporting your daydreamer mentality. It's an odd phenomenon that's left my mum, dad and I in endless arguments.

My parents were never given the opportunity to pursue their post-secondary studies. Growing up in the impoverished regions of the Philippines, education was simply a far-fetched dream, one that would never come to fruition. From a young age, they instilled in me the importance of getting a reputable degree and career. In their eyes, these were the two necessary factors to achieve success and happiness. In their eyes, happiness was monetary.

For so many years, I allowed myself to live in the pretence of what would please my mum and dad. They envisioned my life in the medical field, misconstruing my sincere compassion as the makings of a good physician. I could see their thoughts run wild at the idea of me dressed in scrubs, saving lives and earning good money. But this isn't the life for me. It's my dream to become a high school English teacher. The notion of helping others to discover the vast world of metaphors, prose and drama fills me with nervous excitement; it's that childlike essence of insane conviction that I've missed so much. In my eyes, this is what happiness should be.

I've watched my dad work 16-hour days at jobs he's hated, and I've seen my mum struggle to find work due to her lack of formal qualifications. They tell me all the time, "Adda babawik nga di nagbasa idi." - that is, "I regret not going to school". Their lifetime of hard work has made it so hard for me to stand up and say that I want something else, that my definition of happiness is different from their definition. I don't care about accumulating vast amounts of wealth, or having a career which is superior to everyone else's. I want my work to be a reflection of who I am, and not what everyone expects me to be. I just want to do what I love.

It was Dr. Seuss who said to "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." It's taken a while for me to find truth in this, but slowly, I've come to understand what he meant. These disagreements with my parents have strengthened my beliefs of what I want to do in life, and how willing I am to chase my dream of becoming a teacher. I've resented my parents for making me feel guilty about my career choice, yet the need to please them will always be there, because I know that ultimately, they just want what's best for me. I need to be happy in order to make them happy, and while it's still difficult for them to see my point of view, I know that they're trying. By allowing me to apply to an American college, so far away from Vancouver, I know that while they may not agree with my choices, they want me to chase my dream, too. Now, it's up to me to make it happen: for my mum, dad and myself.

THANKS!

Undergraduate / Bowdoin Supplement - "Because There Ain't No Mountain High Enough" [7]

Hey all,

I'd love to get some feedback on my essay. It's my first draft and I quickly finished it just to see whether or not my ideas are working and flowing (it's due in nine days! >.<) I also need help with title ideas ...

Bowdoin is a liberal arts college that thrives on intellectual discourse in and out of the classroom. Students, faculty, and staff all participate in the exchange of ideas in an atmosphere characterized by high achievement and a sense of balance. The Admissions Committee is eager to learn more about you and your school community. Reflecting on your own educational experiences, how have you prepared yourself to enter an academic environment like Bowdoin's? (Suggested length: 250-500 words.)

"Because There Ain't No Mountain High Enough"

Being close to nature and living under a tent of emerald skies was a welcome change to Vancouver's downtown lights. I'll never forget that final night atop Mount Garibaldi; not for the beauty of the moonlight hitting the midnight Earth, or the stars which fell within arms reach. No. I'll remember being part of the 45-person circle of hikers, peers and friends, gathering to express our gratitude for one another.

Hiking up Mount Garibaldi was one of the most arduous things I've had to do in the Duke of Edinburgh program. Despite my mental and physical preparation, I was still blindsided by how strenuous it became to put one foot in front of the other. Over the four days, I was consistently reminded of Sisyphus, hauling my 42-pound backpack to a destination that never seemed to get any closer. Yet, this physical strain was nothing compared to the guilt which swam through my mind. I was hyperaware of the fact that I was slowing down the entire group. All I could do was continue my lethargic pace and pray that no one was disappointed in me.

At the end of each program expedition, our group forms a circle and each individual is given the chance to say their thank-yous. Standing side-by-side, we were all reminded of our nighttime bathroom buddies and stuck-in-the-mud rescuers. I was absolutely enthralled by our exchange of words, and as it reached my time turn, I knew exactly what I would say. I thanked everyone for their patience and encouraging words. I thanked them for their nurturing smiles and sweaty hugs at the end of each day. I thanked them for never leaving me behind. I'm sure that no one was surprised by what I said - I, however, was surprised by what they had to say to me. They returned my heartfelt words, and more importantly, let me know that my fervent determination to succeed was never disappointing.

A teacher once told me that "one of the best ways to learn is to take risks and experience life outside of your comfort zone," and this is something I've learned to embrace through the support of my school community. It's difficult to challenge your fears and overcome adversity, but having a strong community makes all the difference. When you know there are people to catch you if you fall, a risk no longer seems daunting, but rather exciting and inspirational.

Bowdoin has me excited to explore all of the diverse knowledge in this world. I want to continue taking risks, and I know that at Bowdoin, the community will be there to help me through my failures and celebrate my triumphs. But it's a two-way street, and I know that I will always be there to help others, too; I am ready to make my contribution. By sharing our strengths and determination, we can make a community work. My passion to discover life is intense, and I want to be at a school with people who can show me different ways to realize these ambitions. Without a doubt, Bowdoin is this perfect place.