Undergraduate / Go-go the suprising culture- UVA supplement essay [6]

Prompt: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

Snare drum banging, guitars humming- that's the sound of go-go. Family and friends from out of state ask what go-go is; I tell them it is the sound of Washington, D.C. It is the music that makes the DMV (DC/ Maryland/ Virginia) area unique, giving us a distinct identity. Nonstop is the sound, dancing track after track, the music keeps on living. It does not need to be mainstream to succeed; all it needs is the DMV. Ever changing is the music, never hear the same beat, it all flows from the soul to the instruments. The music is not just a genre, it is culture. Politicians tried to stop it but culture cannot be forgotten, the go-go bands kept the movement going, never letting up. It has been put down time after time as senseless beating of drums, with people ignoring the rhythm. Go-go brought together hip hop and rock, making its own genre. This culture has astounded me with its resilience and its individuality; it does not need to be mainstream or accepted by the majority. It has taught me to never let my dreams go just because the outcome looks bleak. Go-go has shown me to not let the world change me, but rather change the world. Go-go is the renaissance of this century.

I was actually trying to make this essay unique, making it a mixture of rhyme/essay. So yeah, critique away!

Scholarship / "Page 87" Autobiography-VCU Scholarship Essay [5]

Prompt: Compose Page 87 of your autobiography. In this essay, you should be creative, considering where your life story would be at this point.

Monkeys screeching, exotic birds chirping- I had to become familiar with these sounds as they were my early morning wake up call. This was the first day of my volunteer efforts for the ADA (American Dental Association) at Tanzania. Reminiscing when I first signed up to volunteer, I had a limited sense of what to expect. But the moment I stepped off the plane, I knew that I needed to help make a change. The car ride when I first arrived at my hotel was somber, passing through the refugee camp where I would spend a bulk of my time. The images of men, women, and children suffering at these camps brought grief to me; I could not bear to watch.

The first visit that I made to the camp was with another volunteer. She was not a dentist like me, but a pediatrician working with the Red Cross. Like me, she was a young adult who had come to Tanzania to take initiative and make a difference in the lives of others. When Lee and I arrived at the camp, there was already a tent set up for both of us. At my tent I saw four Tanzanian men and women from the local university; it was my job to teach each of them how to perform oral surgery and preventive dentistry. This I knew from the beginning was going to be challenge considering the language barrier between us. Each of them knew small hints of English, which made it slightly easier.

My first day on the job began with a bang. The symptoms were various: swollen upper jaw, fever, swollen neck glands. It was a young boy, named Andongwiyse, who was suffering from an apparent tooth infection. I quickly but carefully performed an emergency root canal for the boy. This was not enough to alleviate the pain from Andongwiyse as his fever lingered. So as the procedure ended, I hastily took him to Lee to get him some medicine to remedy the fever. Andongwiyse was the first glimpse of the severities that were occurring at the camp. The patients kept rolling in and out throughout the day, and with every procedure, the students I was teaching were catching on. I had set a goal that by the time I left that I would be able to train at least one of my volunteer students to a point where they could take over. This might have been a reach, but I knew that if one of the students was willing to do to so, it could happen.

The day was coming to an end, the bustling of patients coming in and out of my tent was settling down. As I was packing up my equipment to return to the hotel, a woman approached me. She spoke a phrase to me in a native African language, "Asante Sana". I had not known what she said to me until on the ride back when I asked Lee. She told me it meant "Thank you very much." As I hear that I could not help it to crack a smile, this small gesture made an enormous impact assuring me of the importance of my work.

There seems to be something wrong in the third paragraph when I read it, but I can't really grasp what. Constructive criticism! Please and Thank you!! :)

Undergraduate / "patience" - I understood the true meaning and the benefits of maintaining it. UVA supplement essay! [7]

Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.

Long days were spent crowded in a single floor with four siblings and my parents. Having to sleep on the floor because there was limited amount of space, I had a challenging experience at my old house. The life that I lived for over sixteen years of my life was a testing one; everyday there was a new issue to overcome. One day it would be an issue regarding who got to use the desk first for their homework or on other days, who got to use the bathroom first. This was a time where I saw all my friends moving into new bigger homes while I stayed at my old small house. Jealousy was not the feeling I felt but a sense of weariness as in why my family was not worthy of a bigger home. Every time I brought up this issue, my parents repeated the same word "patience". My endurance was tested to its limits, getting to a point where I almost accepted I was not going to get a bigger house. But it was that breaking point where everything seemed to turn around. The prices of houses dropped to an all time low and my parents bought a house, where my siblings and I finally had rooms that we could call our own. From the moment I set foot inside my new house, I understood the true meaning of patience and the benefits of maintaining it.

How is this?

Criticize away!