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Posts by Bun cha
Name: Tri
Joined: Nov 20, 2022
Last Post: Nov 25, 2022
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 4
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Bun cha   
Nov 25, 2022
Undergraduate / Personal statement on student's foreign language acquisition before graduation. [2]

Here is the full topic:
Some people believe that all students should study a foreign language before they can graduate. Others do not support this requirement.

Write an essay in which you agree with one of these two positions.

Below is my first draft. Thank you for your review in advance.

There has been a heated debate about whether it is advisable for students to learn a foreign language prior to their graduation. Some say that not every student needs to learn foreign languages before graduation while others support students being bilingual before they become graduates. I strongly agree with the latter as foreign languages have aided undergraduate students in three main factors: job opportunities, expertise, and career networks.

First and foremost, acquiring a foreign language undoubtedly helps students increase their chances of landing a job after graduation. Due to globalization, more and more jobs are likely to require a decent command of foreign languages, which should be an advantage for bilingual students over monolingual counterparts.

Secondly, learning a foreign language helps to further one's major. By learning a language, students can overcome the language barrier to have access to any useful academic resource in the world, immensely broadening their expertise. In other words, their academic growth will not be sorely dependent on mother-tongue-related documents, which can be problematic if certain knowledge students seek has yet to be translated into their main language.

Finally, being able to communicate in a different language enables students to expand their career network. They can reach out to a wide range of potential co-workers, and mentors regardless of geographical barriers. This is like a stepping stone for their career development in the future as they can learn hands-on experiences from others.

In summary, learning a foreign language is immensely beneficial regarding career, career networks, and major knowledge. I strongly recommend students acquire another language before graduation.
Bun cha   
Nov 25, 2022
Scholarship / Africa and Poverty - personal statement [3]

... poor family and grew up in a small poor village.... I failed to see the coherence between the two clauses. What does the fact that your childhood teaches you a life lesson has to do anything with people who were born in poor families?
Bun cha   
Nov 24, 2022
Writing Feedback / Promoting healthy lifestyle or treating diseases? [5]

While people argue that (...) This is a sentence fragment. To be grammatically correct, you must add another clause that contrasts the previous clause.

In addition to that, your opening lacks a thesis statement. According to the prompt, you have to state your opinion whether you agree or not, and to what extent. This helps clarify your claim, making it easier for readers to follow.
Bun cha   
Nov 20, 2022
Writing Feedback / Explain the benefits or inconveniences of travel [5]

benefits or inconveniences of travel

Have you ever wondered what are some of the disadvantages of travel? For the most part, traveling can greatly benefit our minds and allow us to make new friends. However, there are several downsides worth being considered if you wish to set off on a new journey: costly expenses, loneliness, and fear of missing out on other important events.

First of all, traveling can be expensive. There are a lot of fees you need to cover such as accommodations, food, transportation, etc. if these necessities are not met well, you will have a hard time enjoying your trip. Therefore, in order to have a great trip, you need to make savings, which can take a while.

Another drawback is that you may feel lonely, especially when traveling alone. This is also true even when you travel with friends since you may not see eye to eye on everything, which is exhausting. It is just the nature of traveling.

Finally, embarking on a new journey at whatever reasonable time is likely to make you miss some important events with your family and friends. While you are living a different life, your loved ones and close friends still get on with their lives, which means their milestones such as engagements, weddings, and births may occur without your presence. Thus, you will have to contemplate the cost of traveling and missing out on these memorable events.

In short, while traveling is undoubtedly beneficial, its inconveniences, costly expenses, loneliness, and fear of missing out, should be worth weighing up. These downsides may seem insignificant but they can annoy you no matter how exciting your journey may be.