SmH
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / 'helping out my parents' - UC Prompt 2: Talent, Personal quality [4]
compassionateness this is not a word!! use "compassion" instead
compassionateness this is not a word!! use "compassion" instead
SmH
Nov 16, 2009
Undergraduate / East meets West UC Prompt #2 [3]
Any ideas as to where i can go with this?? please help!
Prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about his quality or accomplishmnt makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Learning to embrace both Asian and American cultures has been challenging, because these different philosophies contradict one another.
Any ideas as to where i can go with this?? please help!
Prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about his quality or accomplishmnt makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Learning to embrace both Asian and American cultures has been challenging, because these different philosophies contradict one another.
SmH
Nov 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Dreams and Aspirations ( UC Prompt ) [3]
This has made me realize that progress can be made to better the lives of people, which is made infinitesimally easier with hard work, and a college education.
infinitismal means immeasurably or incalculably small. the word is used incorrectly.
check your grammar throughout the essay. have a teacher or peer edit it.
This has made me realize that progress can be made to better the lives of people, which is made infinitesimally easier with hard work, and a college education.
infinitismal means immeasurably or incalculably small. the word is used incorrectly.
check your grammar throughout the essay. have a teacher or peer edit it.
SmH
Nov 16, 2009
Undergraduate / UC prompt 2: Significant achievement (Soccer) [6]
Just before an Under-14 match, my coaches told my fellow defenders and me to each pick out one opponent and follow him like a shadow all over the pitch (a tactic called man-to-man defence
Although our goal scorers reaped the glory, the fact that our defence spontaneously and seamlessly worked together as a single impenetrable unit responsible for the big zero next to our opponents' name on the scoreboard made me happier than any exam marks had.
defence is spelled wrong. it's defense.
and yes. the first paragraph makes you seem a little obnoxious. how can you not find true satisfaction in straight A's and good grades? tell them it came naturally- unlike your time on the soccer field. by the way, fix the syntax it's a little awkward to read.
Just before an Under-14 match, my coaches told my fellow defenders and me to each pick out one opponent and follow him like a shadow all over the pitch (a tactic called man-to-man defence
Although our goal scorers reaped the glory, the fact that our defence spontaneously and seamlessly worked together as a single impenetrable unit responsible for the big zero next to our opponents' name on the scoreboard made me happier than any exam marks had.
defence is spelled wrong. it's defense.
and yes. the first paragraph makes you seem a little obnoxious. how can you not find true satisfaction in straight A's and good grades? tell them it came naturally- unlike your time on the soccer field. by the way, fix the syntax it's a little awkward to read.
SmH
Nov 9, 2009
Undergraduate / My mother escaping communism has shaped my aspirations; UC personal statement 1 [10]
thanks. i just edited it with your feedback in mind and i think it's a little better. any suggestions?
thanks. i just edited it with your feedback in mind and i think it's a little better. any suggestions?
SmH
Nov 9, 2009
Undergraduate / My mother escaping communism has shaped my aspirations; UC personal statement 1 [10]
wow. thank you so much for the feedback! i knew it was missing something, i just didn't know what it was :)
wow. thank you so much for the feedback! i knew it was missing something, i just didn't know what it was :)
SmH
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / My mother escaping communism has shaped my aspirations; UC personal statement 1 [10]
Help would be greatly appreciated! My essay seems so mediocre compared to other people's.
Help would be greatly appreciated! My essay seems so mediocre compared to other people's.
SmH
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / My mother escaping communism has shaped my aspirations; UC personal statement 1 [10]
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Art is strange.
It has no boundaries. It does not require written words, or speech, or the ability to hear. And despite this, it has the power to inform us, inspire us and enlighten us. Art is the medium in which people communicate through sight and imagery, and it is for these reasons I fell in love with it. Art lessons, picture books, even the innumerous nonsensical doodles on my papers fueled my curiosity about the methods in which people could express themselves. A visual imagery course in high school and trips to museums and art exhibits only solidified the conviction I had for my love of art. Naturally, its rich culture was inherent. I want to know about its origin, its artists and its content. I want to study Art History, because art is universal. This type of expression holds infinite freedom and connects people in a way that is so different from anything else. Majoring in, studying about and gaining a Bachelor's Degree in Art History would be personally rewarding and my degree would enable me to apply for law school in the near future.
Yes, I'm your average girl from Tustin- a city with a crime rate percentage that is less than half my age, and I am the oldest of three children of a family of five. Just keep in mind that these four other people have helped me realize my not-so-average aspirations.
My mom emigrated from Vietnam to the United States when she was twelve to escape the onslaught of communists in her homeland, and the stories she has told me about growing up with her sister and divorced parents in a strange country are reminders of the obstacles she had to overcome. Despite them, she put herself through college and is now a successful businesswoman in her own right. My father, on the other hand, was born and raised with his three brothers in California by my grandparents -both teachers. My Dad's family never had much money, but his parents taught him the importance of a good education.
If I could describe my job as an older sister in one word it would be "challenge." Over the years I have been the scapegoat, the enemy and the snitch more times than I can remember, but then again, I have also been the confidant, the best friend and of course, the role model. My little brother and sister probably do not even realize the impact they have had on me. It is natural for them to look up to me to lead by example, but in truth, I look up to them. They do not have nearly as much life experience as I do, but like my parents, I have watched them grow up and slowly begin to make their way in the world.
My family inspires me. Over the course of my life, the knowledge, the strong work ethic, the values and the determination my family has instilled in me will be applied towards my study of Art History, regardless of my acceptance. I want to prove to myself and to my family, and to you, that I can be successful at something I am truly passionate about.
My aspirations are equivalent to my acceptance at this school- difficult to gain, but something worth pursuing; your college will be my proving ground, my crucible.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Art is strange.
It has no boundaries. It does not require written words, or speech, or the ability to hear. And despite this, it has the power to inform us, inspire us and enlighten us. Art is the medium in which people communicate through sight and imagery, and it is for these reasons I fell in love with it. Art lessons, picture books, even the innumerous nonsensical doodles on my papers fueled my curiosity about the methods in which people could express themselves. A visual imagery course in high school and trips to museums and art exhibits only solidified the conviction I had for my love of art. Naturally, its rich culture was inherent. I want to know about its origin, its artists and its content. I want to study Art History, because art is universal. This type of expression holds infinite freedom and connects people in a way that is so different from anything else. Majoring in, studying about and gaining a Bachelor's Degree in Art History would be personally rewarding and my degree would enable me to apply for law school in the near future.
Yes, I'm your average girl from Tustin- a city with a crime rate percentage that is less than half my age, and I am the oldest of three children of a family of five. Just keep in mind that these four other people have helped me realize my not-so-average aspirations.
My mom emigrated from Vietnam to the United States when she was twelve to escape the onslaught of communists in her homeland, and the stories she has told me about growing up with her sister and divorced parents in a strange country are reminders of the obstacles she had to overcome. Despite them, she put herself through college and is now a successful businesswoman in her own right. My father, on the other hand, was born and raised with his three brothers in California by my grandparents -both teachers. My Dad's family never had much money, but his parents taught him the importance of a good education.
If I could describe my job as an older sister in one word it would be "challenge." Over the years I have been the scapegoat, the enemy and the snitch more times than I can remember, but then again, I have also been the confidant, the best friend and of course, the role model. My little brother and sister probably do not even realize the impact they have had on me. It is natural for them to look up to me to lead by example, but in truth, I look up to them. They do not have nearly as much life experience as I do, but like my parents, I have watched them grow up and slowly begin to make their way in the world.
My family inspires me. Over the course of my life, the knowledge, the strong work ethic, the values and the determination my family has instilled in me will be applied towards my study of Art History, regardless of my acceptance. I want to prove to myself and to my family, and to you, that I can be successful at something I am truly passionate about.
My aspirations are equivalent to my acceptance at this school- difficult to gain, but something worth pursuing; your college will be my proving ground, my crucible.
