Writing Feedback / As children grow, they change their social behaviour. [2]

Can someone tell would this essay recieve passing marks ?

As children grow, they change their social behaviour.

What are the differences between young childrens social behaviour and that of an adult. To what an extent these changes are good?

Various developments take place in the behaviour of children when they become mature. In my opinion, there are two primary differences between the behaviour of youngsters and their elders: the way they behave and their different mindsets. I also think that these kinds of reformations are positive because they aid in the mental advancement of a child.

Aspects that differentiate immature from mature people are their overall behaviour and a unique mindset. Although children require that their demands be fulfilled in any condition, such stubborn behaviour is extremely rare among elder people; thus, they always behave in a polite way. Beside that, an adult mind considers every context of a condition before reaching a conclusion, which is actually not true in the case of teens because of their repulsive nature. For example, a child desires a smartphone for entertainment, but a mature person would want the same for news updates.

The above-mentioned changes are helpful in developing the intellectual capacity of a person. This is to say that a teenager learns everything he knows from the adults surrounding him, and exposure to such civil behaviour can help him in acquiring certain skills such as communication with others and the formulation of long-term relationships. Apart from that, when a child transforms into a mature person, he can make decisions that affect his future, making him more confident. Thus, all these new abilities can assist him in having an enhanced personality.

To conclude, the attributes of having a different way of thinking and reasonable behaviour in every situation make adults completely different from children, and I believe this is advantageous for young people as it can provide them a chance to develop several new talents.

Writing Feedback / Due to a higher life expectancy rates nowadays, the retirement age of employees should be increased [3]

Can anyone help me by scoring this essay? It's for IELTS TASK 2

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A few people mention that due to a higher life expectancy rates nowadays, the retirement age of employees should be increased exceptionally. However, I disagree with the given perception as raising the limit of retiring age will result in less job satisfaction by older workers, and talented youth workforce can get badly affected by that too.

Increasing the upper limit of retirement can lead to dissatisfaction among senior employees. In other words, everyone plans for his forthcoming future, including abroad trips and a comfortable lifestyle, after working for a fixed time in an organisation. Since retirement age would be increased, such categories of employees may have to sacrifice their pre-made plans and face discomfort at their workplace. This can greatly multiply their chances of being irritated at their regular jobs. For example, a survey conducted in India showed that a vast majority of the older employees did not want to extend their retirement because they were not ready to continue their jobs further.

The decision regarding extending the age of a worker's retirement can hugely impact the future career of young workers. Although senior members of a company possess more experience, raising the retirement age will deter young employees from being promoted and further showcasing their capabilities. When inexperienced workers are not given a proper opportunity to improve their abilities, their future job prospects may fall into a grave danger. An Indian corporation, for instance, increased the retirement age of their workers, after which, many new entrants were unable to have a promotion because such positions were already occupied by senior members.

To conclude, I strongly disagree that raising retirement age in companies as a result of people living much longer today is a good idea, because this will largely influence the future life of both the retirees and the young employees.