aleggz
Nov 19, 2009
aleggz
Nov 19, 2009
aleggz
Nov 18, 2009
Undergraduate / My half-sister UC Prompt #2 [3]
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
It was a typical Friday night; I was sitting on the couch happily watching TV. I sensed something was wrong when my mother came home from work with a somber and tense expression. She revealed that my father had been involved in an affair with another woman for a number of years. Furthermore, they had conceived a child together that was a little over a year old at the time. Immediately I was overwhelmed with disbelief, which eventually transitioned to feelings of deep betrayal and anger as the shock disappeared. Instinctively, I created an invisible wall between me and my father, reinforced by judgment, resentment, stress and pain. I felt this mental barrier was the best protection against the hurt my father had caused.
The following day, my father discussed the event with me and my brother. By the look on his face, it was apparent that he had suffered great amounts of stress, exhaustion, and remorse regarding the situation. He started off the discussion with each of us expressing our feelings on what had happened. Deep down, I knew I could not show my true emotions because they would devastate my father, so I expressed a tone of ambivalence between forgiving and blaming my father. I would not be able to forgive him, especially for the damage he caused on our family.
After school the following week, I met my half-sister, Valerie, for the first time. I imagined a shy, typical Asian toddler distancing herself from me, believing the disconnection of bloodlines would prove a difficult wall to climb in our relationship. To my surprise, she had light brown hair, big brown eyes, pale skin, and a tiny button nose. She energetically waddled around the parking lot of Nob Hill, not saying a single word, as if keeping a secret. However, her tactfulness did nothing to conceal her innocent joyfulness radiating from her visage. Instantly, I knew I would love her, regardless of the sins that created her, much like the Pearl of my father's Scarlet Letter.
Through the next few years, I watched Valerie's progress through infancy, from running to speaking to potty training and even to swimming. My initial love for her planted its permanent roots in my heart, creating a desire within me to play with her, hug her, laugh with her, and protect her. Even my mother, who had suffered the most, loved Valerie like her own daughter; bathing, changing, and feeding her willingly. Throughout this time, as my love for Valerie grew, my secret feelings of anger and pain towards my father slowly subsided, and an open forgiveness reached my heart.
Thus, my love for Valerie created a transformation within me, which enabled me to eventually forgive my father, restoring our relationship back to its previous state. The rest of my family, whom I knew had repressed their feelings of hurt like me, each developed a love for my little sister. Although my parent's marriage has not returned to what it was, Valerie taught my family a valuable lesson; to stay open-minded, but more importantly, to forgive, but never forget. I can apply this to my studies at the University of California through the people I meet. By remaining an open and forgiving individual, I can develop current and future relationships with people who will create a positive influence on my life and my studies.
This is a pretty personal story to me. Please edit it and be honest in your criticism! Thanks!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
It was a typical Friday night; I was sitting on the couch happily watching TV. I sensed something was wrong when my mother came home from work with a somber and tense expression. She revealed that my father had been involved in an affair with another woman for a number of years. Furthermore, they had conceived a child together that was a little over a year old at the time. Immediately I was overwhelmed with disbelief, which eventually transitioned to feelings of deep betrayal and anger as the shock disappeared. Instinctively, I created an invisible wall between me and my father, reinforced by judgment, resentment, stress and pain. I felt this mental barrier was the best protection against the hurt my father had caused.
The following day, my father discussed the event with me and my brother. By the look on his face, it was apparent that he had suffered great amounts of stress, exhaustion, and remorse regarding the situation. He started off the discussion with each of us expressing our feelings on what had happened. Deep down, I knew I could not show my true emotions because they would devastate my father, so I expressed a tone of ambivalence between forgiving and blaming my father. I would not be able to forgive him, especially for the damage he caused on our family.
After school the following week, I met my half-sister, Valerie, for the first time. I imagined a shy, typical Asian toddler distancing herself from me, believing the disconnection of bloodlines would prove a difficult wall to climb in our relationship. To my surprise, she had light brown hair, big brown eyes, pale skin, and a tiny button nose. She energetically waddled around the parking lot of Nob Hill, not saying a single word, as if keeping a secret. However, her tactfulness did nothing to conceal her innocent joyfulness radiating from her visage. Instantly, I knew I would love her, regardless of the sins that created her, much like the Pearl of my father's Scarlet Letter.
Through the next few years, I watched Valerie's progress through infancy, from running to speaking to potty training and even to swimming. My initial love for her planted its permanent roots in my heart, creating a desire within me to play with her, hug her, laugh with her, and protect her. Even my mother, who had suffered the most, loved Valerie like her own daughter; bathing, changing, and feeding her willingly. Throughout this time, as my love for Valerie grew, my secret feelings of anger and pain towards my father slowly subsided, and an open forgiveness reached my heart.
Thus, my love for Valerie created a transformation within me, which enabled me to eventually forgive my father, restoring our relationship back to its previous state. The rest of my family, whom I knew had repressed their feelings of hurt like me, each developed a love for my little sister. Although my parent's marriage has not returned to what it was, Valerie taught my family a valuable lesson; to stay open-minded, but more importantly, to forgive, but never forget. I can apply this to my studies at the University of California through the people I meet. By remaining an open and forgiving individual, I can develop current and future relationships with people who will create a positive influence on my life and my studies.
This is a pretty personal story to me. Please edit it and be honest in your criticism! Thanks!
aleggz
Nov 18, 2009
Undergraduate / UC personal statement- community and family [7]
Good metaphor in the intro and conclusion. Even though it may be a bit of a typical essay, I think your essay is good overall. Good job!
Good metaphor in the intro and conclusion. Even though it may be a bit of a typical essay, I think your essay is good overall. Good job!
aleggz
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / "Economics chose me" - UC Personal Statement Prompt #1 on Economics [5]
"I began purchasing bulks of high demand electronics for half of their retail price and selling them trough craigslist."
That should be through right?
Overall, your essay is well-written. I can hear your voice in my head as I read it. Good job.
"I began purchasing bulks of high demand electronics for half of their retail price and selling them trough craigslist."
That should be through right?
Overall, your essay is well-written. I can hear your voice in my head as I read it. Good job.
aleggz
Nov 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Biology, Diversity UC Prompt #1 [5]
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
Having lived in the Silicon Valley my entire life, I am placed in a melting pot of ethnicities originating from all across the world. As a result, I have been exposed to many different people, ranging from Australians to Filipinos, and even South Africans, each contributing to the mixture of cultures and traditions that make up the constantly changing Silicon Valley today. This broad spectrum of diversity has played a big part in the shaping of my own dreams, in which I can truly appreciate the changes and differences between humans that make an individual so unique.
I believe one of the most basic forms of diversity can be found through biology, especially present in many of its branches. Whether it is the study of genetics and the virtually endless combinations expressed by an individual, or the study of microbiology and the study of countless molecular organisms that cooperatively sustain life, biology shows that different components combine to create a whole. I've found that there is a parallel between the ethnic diversity present in my own environment, with that of which I will find in biology. I know as long as I pursue an interest in biology, diversity will inherently be present within it, and thus, I will be closer to reaching my dreams.
Currently, I am enrolled in an Advanced Placement Biology class to expand on my own knowledge on the subject that will ultimately help me decide which branch I want to specialize in the future. Specifically, certain areas of biology have piqued my curiosity, including genetics, evolution, anatomy, and microbiology. Each of these topics is exposed to perpetual change, due to the advancement of science every day. Thus, studying an area that can potentially change each day, I can adapt to a new environment of study, making each day different from the other, a characteristic I highly value in a workplace.
Although I am not completely certain in my exact career path after college, I do know that if I follow biology, I will be placed in an evolving environment and be able to truly understand the links between different parts of a universal body that combine and collectively create a unique individual. Ultimately, I believe I can reach my dreams and appreciate the varying individuals that collectively make a whole, even in the most basic forms of life.
Please edit the first draft of my UC prompt #1. Be honest!
Thanks
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
Having lived in the Silicon Valley my entire life, I am placed in a melting pot of ethnicities originating from all across the world. As a result, I have been exposed to many different people, ranging from Australians to Filipinos, and even South Africans, each contributing to the mixture of cultures and traditions that make up the constantly changing Silicon Valley today. This broad spectrum of diversity has played a big part in the shaping of my own dreams, in which I can truly appreciate the changes and differences between humans that make an individual so unique.
I believe one of the most basic forms of diversity can be found through biology, especially present in many of its branches. Whether it is the study of genetics and the virtually endless combinations expressed by an individual, or the study of microbiology and the study of countless molecular organisms that cooperatively sustain life, biology shows that different components combine to create a whole. I've found that there is a parallel between the ethnic diversity present in my own environment, with that of which I will find in biology. I know as long as I pursue an interest in biology, diversity will inherently be present within it, and thus, I will be closer to reaching my dreams.
Currently, I am enrolled in an Advanced Placement Biology class to expand on my own knowledge on the subject that will ultimately help me decide which branch I want to specialize in the future. Specifically, certain areas of biology have piqued my curiosity, including genetics, evolution, anatomy, and microbiology. Each of these topics is exposed to perpetual change, due to the advancement of science every day. Thus, studying an area that can potentially change each day, I can adapt to a new environment of study, making each day different from the other, a characteristic I highly value in a workplace.
Although I am not completely certain in my exact career path after college, I do know that if I follow biology, I will be placed in an evolving environment and be able to truly understand the links between different parts of a universal body that combine and collectively create a unique individual. Ultimately, I believe I can reach my dreams and appreciate the varying individuals that collectively make a whole, even in the most basic forms of life.
Please edit the first draft of my UC prompt #1. Be honest!
Thanks
