reptar28
Nov 17, 2009
reptar28
Nov 16, 2009
Undergraduate / I loved fighting; Personal statement for University of Arizona [4]
I am interested in becoming a Criminology. Majoring in Forensic Sciences has always been an interest of mine . To conduct research and solving criminal cases. <---NOT A SENTENCE Classes in biology or chemistry will definitely help build the skills that I need. I have taken chemistry last year and it is definitely a very thought-provoking course. Anybody who wants to major in any type of career must need a post-secondary education.<--this sentence seems out of place and doesn't serve as a transition to the next paragraph
Both of my parents were born in China. They never went to school in the United States, but they finished their education in China. Although they have a hard time speaking English, they can still understand and read it. They moved and settled in the United States knowing it would open up many doors and opportunities for their children. After, they moved to Arizona, I was born. I have two older siblings, one brother and one sister. They are both attending college to receive their bachelor's degree. My sister, Diana is majoring in Pharmacy and my brother, Raymond is majoring in Dentistry.
Since I was a kid, I loved fighting. I am not an aggravated person, but fighting is something I enjoy doing. I was one of the strongest and most athletic kids during P.E. class. I am always competitive in everything from academics to sports. In my Freshman year of high school I was involved in a street fight due to savingsounds awkward my cousin's life. The fight happened out of nowhere when three guys beat him nearly to death and I was the only one to defend him. Although they were twice my size, I took on all of them by myself. Afterwards, I began working out and training in mixed martial arts which is often self-taught. I began wrestling during my Junior year of high school. Building muscle, staying healthy and getting strong was a priority.
I don't like depending on my parents or other people. I am an independent person who wants to accomplish goals by himself . I work very hard to save up money. Every time I get paid with allowance, I would put the money in the bank. My parents have always worked at a family owned restaurant. I would always help out at their restaurant since I was a kid. They have taught me a lot about managing a business. By the time I was 16, my parent's wanted to help me pay for my first car. I told them not to because I had saved up enough money to buy my own vehicle. It took nearly three to four years, saving up enough money for a car, proving that dedication and hard work pays off. I remember saving extra change daily by not eating out and spending less on clothing.
It's hard to find true friends who are trustworthy and honest. One thing is for sure, my family will always be there for me. I want to make my parents proud of me. They are my sole support. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. I have made many bad decisions in my life. All the trouble that I have been through is stressful, but I have made it through this far and I am not willing to give up. It seemed everywhere I went, I always get in trouble with the law. Usually it is from my friends peer pressure. I think I am different than many other teenagers. I do not drink, smoke or do drugs. I want a change in my life and I am willing to make a difference. I want to go to college and get a good career. My biggest concern is failing and letting my parents down. No matter what, I'm never going to give up on my goals and dreams. I believe everybody should be given a chance to change their life.
Last paragraph needs some work you mention bad decisions and bring in drugs etc. Seems kind of random going by the previous paragraphs. If I were you I'd add a little bit about why I think Im suited for UA, but thats just me.
I am interested in becoming a Criminology. Majoring in Forensic Sciences has always been an interest of mine . To conduct research and solving criminal cases. <---NOT A SENTENCE Classes in biology or chemistry will definitely help build the skills that I need. I have taken chemistry last year and it is definitely a very thought-provoking course. Anybody who wants to major in any type of career must need a post-secondary education.<--this sentence seems out of place and doesn't serve as a transition to the next paragraph
Both of my parents were born in China. They never went to school in the United States, but they finished their education in China. Although they have a hard time speaking English, they can still understand and read it. They moved and settled in the United States knowing it would open up many doors and opportunities for their children. After, they moved to Arizona, I was born. I have two older siblings, one brother and one sister. They are both attending college to receive their bachelor's degree. My sister, Diana is majoring in Pharmacy and my brother, Raymond is majoring in Dentistry.
Since I was a kid, I loved fighting. I am not an aggravated person, but fighting is something I enjoy doing. I was one of the strongest and most athletic kids during P.E. class. I am always competitive in everything from academics to sports. In my Freshman year of high school I was involved in a street fight due to savingsounds awkward my cousin's life. The fight happened out of nowhere when three guys beat him nearly to death and I was the only one to defend him. Although they were twice my size, I took on all of them by myself. Afterwards, I began working out and training in mixed martial arts which is often self-taught. I began wrestling during my Junior year of high school. Building muscle, staying healthy and getting strong was a priority.
I don't like depending on my parents or other people. I am an independent person who wants to accomplish goals by himself . I work very hard to save up money. Every time I get paid with allowance, I would put the money in the bank. My parents have always worked at a family owned restaurant. I would always help out at their restaurant since I was a kid. They have taught me a lot about managing a business. By the time I was 16, my parent's wanted to help me pay for my first car. I told them not to because I had saved up enough money to buy my own vehicle. It took nearly three to four years, saving up enough money for a car, proving that dedication and hard work pays off. I remember saving extra change daily by not eating out and spending less on clothing.
It's hard to find true friends who are trustworthy and honest. One thing is for sure, my family will always be there for me. I want to make my parents proud of me. They are my sole support. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. I have made many bad decisions in my life. All the trouble that I have been through is stressful, but I have made it through this far and I am not willing to give up. It seemed everywhere I went, I always get in trouble with the law. Usually it is from my friends peer pressure. I think I am different than many other teenagers. I do not drink, smoke or do drugs. I want a change in my life and I am willing to make a difference. I want to go to college and get a good career. My biggest concern is failing and letting my parents down. No matter what, I'm never going to give up on my goals and dreams. I believe everybody should be given a chance to change their life.
Last paragraph needs some work you mention bad decisions and bring in drugs etc. Seems kind of random going by the previous paragraphs. If I were you I'd add a little bit about why I think Im suited for UA, but thats just me.
reptar28
Nov 16, 2009
Undergraduate / "the person i am today" rutgers diversity prompt [4]
I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my essay its 4184 characters but needs to be max 3800
PROMPT Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
If you asked me what I thought of the person I am today, I would probably tell you that it is not exactly the person I pictured when I was younger. Then again there is no way of predicting what choices you will make and the effect they will have on you. Throughout middle school I was what most would call a typical "honors kid", spending most of my time just watching television and doing homework. I did not play any sports, was not part of any clubs, although I was in the school band. Once high school started I looked at it as an opportunity to try new things and expand my horizons. At first I was hesitant about jumping into things for fear of not fitting in or not being skilled enough, but with some encouragement from my friends I signed myself up for various activities. My weekend consists of going to work, hanging out with friends, going to concerts, playing club tennis, and of course I still have school work. I've tried soccer, tennis, track, photography, chess, and academic decathlon. While I didn't necessarily excel at all of them I did learn something from each experience. Whenever I signed up for something new I would always tell myself that by signing up it meant I could not quit, in high school it's pretty common to see people quit halfway through seasons, but all I knew was that I did not want to be one of them.
In my freshmen year I joined soccer and tennis, soccer was actually my favorite sport at the time and I enjoyed playing, but I can now say that the best decision I made was signing up for tennis. What I like so much about tennis is that it is more centered on self improvement, than any other sport I've played. When I started playing I was at a huge disadvantage, I was the only one on the team who had never played tennis before, not to mention the players who had gone through tennis camps and coaches. In my school we only have one tennis team, varsity, so only the seven best players get to even play. I've seen dozens of players quit because they didn't think they would play, but I was determined enough to keep at it. Junior year I got to play varsity and now that it is my senior year I was chosen as the varsity captain. That being said there have been some things I sometimes wish I never signed up for.
When I signed up for winter track junior year I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I already had some friends on the team and figured, why not, it would get me in shape and it could be fun. I was wrong. That winter season was probably the longest I had ever experienced, I learned that I absolutely hated running, I would always dread or seven mile run around town and to be honest I was miserable most of the time, but by the time the end of the season came I was proud that I had stuck with it.
Obviously high school is not only about sports, there is more drama and emphasis on being popular than there should be, or at least that is my opinion. I hate when people use stereotypes and make assumptions about people they have never even talked to. Being Hispanic I have had some firsthand experience with stereotypes, it is not very pleasant, so I decided I would never make assumptions about another individual without getting to know them. While most of my friends tried coordinating schedules and electives so that they could get into the same classes, I decided I would choose my electives based on what I was interested on, not just because my best friend chose it. It paid off; I got to know other students I would have never gotten the chance to even talk to if I was in my usual honors classes. I made some close friends this way, just the other weekend I was helping out my friend's band set up for a show as their roadie. When I look at other schools I am disappointed at the lack of diversity, college should be a time for people to be exposed to new situations, or at least that's what I want from a college. Rutgers is the diverse campus I want to attend, not only does it have an excellent engineering program, but it is also a place I can express my artistic side and keep up with sports. I don't want to be limited by a handful of options, I want variety and I believe Rutgers is where I'll find it.
I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my essay its 4184 characters but needs to be max 3800
PROMPT Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
If you asked me what I thought of the person I am today, I would probably tell you that it is not exactly the person I pictured when I was younger. Then again there is no way of predicting what choices you will make and the effect they will have on you. Throughout middle school I was what most would call a typical "honors kid", spending most of my time just watching television and doing homework. I did not play any sports, was not part of any clubs, although I was in the school band. Once high school started I looked at it as an opportunity to try new things and expand my horizons. At first I was hesitant about jumping into things for fear of not fitting in or not being skilled enough, but with some encouragement from my friends I signed myself up for various activities. My weekend consists of going to work, hanging out with friends, going to concerts, playing club tennis, and of course I still have school work. I've tried soccer, tennis, track, photography, chess, and academic decathlon. While I didn't necessarily excel at all of them I did learn something from each experience. Whenever I signed up for something new I would always tell myself that by signing up it meant I could not quit, in high school it's pretty common to see people quit halfway through seasons, but all I knew was that I did not want to be one of them.
In my freshmen year I joined soccer and tennis, soccer was actually my favorite sport at the time and I enjoyed playing, but I can now say that the best decision I made was signing up for tennis. What I like so much about tennis is that it is more centered on self improvement, than any other sport I've played. When I started playing I was at a huge disadvantage, I was the only one on the team who had never played tennis before, not to mention the players who had gone through tennis camps and coaches. In my school we only have one tennis team, varsity, so only the seven best players get to even play. I've seen dozens of players quit because they didn't think they would play, but I was determined enough to keep at it. Junior year I got to play varsity and now that it is my senior year I was chosen as the varsity captain. That being said there have been some things I sometimes wish I never signed up for.
When I signed up for winter track junior year I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I already had some friends on the team and figured, why not, it would get me in shape and it could be fun. I was wrong. That winter season was probably the longest I had ever experienced, I learned that I absolutely hated running, I would always dread or seven mile run around town and to be honest I was miserable most of the time, but by the time the end of the season came I was proud that I had stuck with it.
Obviously high school is not only about sports, there is more drama and emphasis on being popular than there should be, or at least that is my opinion. I hate when people use stereotypes and make assumptions about people they have never even talked to. Being Hispanic I have had some firsthand experience with stereotypes, it is not very pleasant, so I decided I would never make assumptions about another individual without getting to know them. While most of my friends tried coordinating schedules and electives so that they could get into the same classes, I decided I would choose my electives based on what I was interested on, not just because my best friend chose it. It paid off; I got to know other students I would have never gotten the chance to even talk to if I was in my usual honors classes. I made some close friends this way, just the other weekend I was helping out my friend's band set up for a show as their roadie. When I look at other schools I am disappointed at the lack of diversity, college should be a time for people to be exposed to new situations, or at least that's what I want from a college. Rutgers is the diverse campus I want to attend, not only does it have an excellent engineering program, but it is also a place I can express my artistic side and keep up with sports. I don't want to be limited by a handful of options, I want variety and I believe Rutgers is where I'll find it.
